If there’s something book lovers like almost as much as reading books, it’s talking about books. About the plot details. About the characters. About the meaning. We feel for and with the characters. We immerse ourselves in the details. We virtually put ourselves into the stories.
What follows is my rating of each. The authors are listed chronologically by the dates of their birth.
? Just kill me first.
There are many unpleasant ways to die in “The Iliad” or “The Odyssey.” I would consider myself lucky if I were killed off in the Trojan War in “The Iliad” rather than head home victorious, say no to drugs, resist the temptation of the siren song, avoid becoming a Cyclops snack, skirt a whirlpool while at the same time not being swallowed by the six-headed Scylla, to ultimately be drowned in a sea storm as punishment for eating a steak. Call me weak.
? Count me in!
Basically, in “The Canterbury Tales,” I get to go on a long pilgrimage on foot, to the shrine of Thomas à Becket, with a passel of mix-and-match mates, telling and listening to entertaining tales along the way. Accommodation in inns is assured, and the whole thing is entirely voluntary. What’s not to like?
?? To be, or not to be in his works?
? My good opinion of the prospect has been easily gained.
? Low expectations for this one.
What I don’t understand is where the expression “A Dickens Christmas” came from. Haven’t those who use the phrase read any of his masterful books? A true Dickens Christmas is sure to be populated with selfish, gruesome, underhanded, and unlikable figures if it were anything like his books. I would definitely not like to enter a world like that.
? I would always rather be happy than be in their books.
These gals can write! But they can write me out of their novels. Gothic romance and melodrama is not for everyone. The damp English weather may not have been conducive to good health and cheerfulness for these young ladies, but it did wonders for their creative imagination. As a potential character in their books, I opt for less of the moors.
? Nyet.
For space considerations, I’m lumping together these two Russian literary geniuses. Remembering the names and nicknames of hundreds of people and the faces they go with is not my forte. And I like to be happy. While I might learn great moral lessons, if I had to be in one of their books, I just might throw myself in front of a train.
? I’m sure to go far in his books.
Adventure on the cutting edge of future Steampunk technology with plenty of financial resources—and a servant—actually appeals to me. It would be like a science field trip to plunge the depths in Captain Nemo’s Nautilus, or explore the depths of the Earth. Or a speed vacation, circumnavigating the globe in 80 days. I’d go a long way for inclusion in Verne’s novels. Perhaps even 20,000 leagues.
? Any friend of Twain’s is a friend of mine.
Not unlike the celebrated frog of Calaveras County, I’d jump at the chance to be in any of Mark Twain’s books. (Though, I’d better be sure no one filled me with a handful of shot first.) Fun, adventure, and more than a handful of sharp American wit fill his pages.
? I would earnestly enjoy being in some of his works.
Delightfully convoluted first-world problems, those lovely late Victorian fashions, and happy endings! Sounds like an ideal marriage to me! But please, I’d rather not be in “The Picture of Dorian Gray.”
? Believe me, there would be nothing half so much worth doing as messing about in this book!
Although “Wind in the Willows” is a talking-animal book, it ought to be in every well-read adult’s library. Friendship is the main thing here. There is plenty of lolling about in boats, picnicking, and visiting neighbors. The main turmoil comes from Mr. Toad’s wild streak, which necessitates continual rescue by his faithful friends. Graham’s idyllic English countryside is one I would inhabit with enthusiasm!
? I have the courage for this.
? I don’t hear the call of his books.
I admit, the foremost reason I do not wish to be in London’s books stems from my aversion to being cold. I could not bear to be cast in a scene in which the temperature is 50 degrees below zero. And you just can’t trust this author to let your hands work well enough to strike a match to start a fire. I’m not going there.
? What ho! I’ll go!
I would generally get to hobnob with the upper classes of the unrealistically idyllic 1930s England. His characters are endearing, and the hilarious predicaments he creates are thoroughly G-Rated. Yet, his stories are peppered with references enjoyed by the well-read and highly educated. I would let Wodehouse write me into anything!
? They can go without me.
? Did someone say wardrobe?
I’m not up for inclusion in his space trilogy, but I’d be willing to go to Narnia. Finding a secret passage to a mysterious, magical world filled with potential danger wouldn’t be so bad, under the providential protection of a good, albeit not tame, lion. Who wouldn’t want to encounter centaurs, winged horses, and all manner of mythical characters?
? I vote No.
? A vile idea.
Waugh may be a great writer, but even in his masterful novel “Brideshead Revisited,” one finds no character truly lovable. I get the feeling that even Waugh didn’t like them. Who knows what he might do with me in one of his books!
? Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Why Live It If You Can Read About It?
It is interesting that at least half the great books I considered were stories I would not want to enter, but loved reading.Literature allows us to gain a breadth of experience that our own circumstances would not permit and at very little expense to us. A good writer can show us the world. He or she can take us into battle, demand rigorous moral discrimination, and allow us to grapple with evil, unharmed. We then step back into our mundane lives better people than we were before.
For this, I am truly grateful to the gifted authors of the past.
