Gratitude: How and Why to Practice This Key to a Happy Life

Art helps us see the world anew. Biba Kayewich

I once heard a story about a man checking into a medical facility for an extended stay. He was shown to his room, which included the standard fare—a bed, a chair, a single window, a TV, a bathroom, and little else. No doubt, it was much smaller than the place he previously called home. He couldn’t fit many of his possessions in his new accommodations, and the cloudy day cast the room in a dull, gray light.

He turned to the nurse with a large smile and said of the room, “I love it.”

There was nothing particularly lovable about the room, but the man had decided to be thankful and appreciative.

The Quest for Happiness

The story illustrates something of the mysterious nature of happiness. Since before Aristotle, humanity has wondered and debated whether happiness depends on external circumstances or on something else. In “The Nicomachean Ethics,” Aristotle argued that happiness had more to do with the goods you possess internally (i.e., character, virtues, dispositions) than it did with the goods you possess externally (i.e., material goods, pleasures, wealth, honor, health, etc.).

Of those internal possessions, Cicero argued that gratitude was the most important. He wrote, “I wish to be adorned with every virtue, yet there is nothing which I can esteem more highly than the being and appearing grateful. For this one virtue is not only the greatest, but is also the parent of all the other virtues.”

To Aristotle, happiness, virtue, and the good life were things a person could be certain of maintaining, at least to some degree, despite the most adverse circumstances. This was because virtue and good interior dispositions (like gratitude) can’t be taken away from us no matter what. However hard our life, we always have control over our interior. We always have the ability to respond in a positive, virtuous, and grateful manner. No one can deprive us of this fundamental freedom and the joy it inspires.

Why Does Gratitude Matter?

Both philosophy and science show that a spirit of gratitude forms a core part of a happy life. It functions like the alchemical arts, turning base metals into gold. The grateful person might not have more than other people, but practically speaking, the grateful person is wealthier than most because they actually notice and enjoy everything they have. From the little to the great, everything becomes precious when seen through the eyes of thankfulness.

Ingratitude leads to psychological and emotional poverty. Can an heir really be called “wealthy” when their fortune is inaccessible in a trust? The heir has money, but the money does them no good. The ungrateful person is a bit like an heir—they may have many good things, but those things are “inaccessible” because they don’t notice or enjoy them. They deprive themselves of their own inheritance. They’re too worried about what they don’t have to appreciate what they do have. In that sense their wealth is of no benefit; it’s meaningless.

The wealth of blessings possessed by a grateful person, on the other hand, has real value because they’re recognized and enjoyed. Gratitude is like a pair of infrared night-vision goggles that cut through the darkness of discontent and familiarity, which tend to conceal what’s right in front of us.

Recent research has scientifically demonstrated that thankfulness leads to a happier life—among other benefits. Harvard Health Publishing lists positive emotions, improved health, resilience in the face of adversity, and stronger relationships as benefits that flow from gratitude. Studies conducted on couples found that frequently expressing gratitude to one’s spouse built trust, loyalty, communication, and positivity in the relationship.

Enemies of Gratitude

Discontent and familiarity are the foes of gratitude. They are the thieves that seek to deprive us of our inheritance of joy. They are the rust that eats away at happiness and spoils it. St. Thomas Aquinas defined joy as the feeling we get when we possess or are in the presence of something we desire and love. When we’re thankful, we are focusing on the things we once desired and now have—a spouse, good health, children, whatever it might be—and the result is joy. In fact, gratitude feeds joy and joy feeds gratitude in a beautiful symbiotic relationship.

Discontent, in contrast, moves the focus from all that one has to what one does not yet have or cannot have. Frustrated desire is reignited. Joy is replaced by sadness. Yet, this attitude makes little sense when you consider that most of us possess far more than we lack.

The lens of gratitude helps us see the world as a gift, including the “little” things. From the gentle, graceful drift of immaculate white snow, to the clear call of a bird, to our favorite beverage, the grateful mindset discovers endless sources of joy in the simple activities of daily life.

Fostering Gratitude

It isn’t easy to recognize and appreciate what we have, especially the little things. What’s common becomes familiar, and we forget how extraordinary it is, how much of a gift it is. How do we combat this tendency?

G.K. Chesterton, the great 20th-century British writer, made this suggestion: “The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.” As soon as you begin counting up how many things you could lose, you quickly realize how much you have. And you love and treasure those things more profoundly.

Another antidote to the dulling effect of familiarity is art. Good art helps tear away the veil that blinds us to the extraordinary nature of the world that surrounds us. Art helps us see the world anew because through its power, the world suddenly blooms again in all its inexhaustible richness. This can deepen our sense of gratitude.

The phenomenon of familiarity stealing away joy and gratitude is related to the psychological concept of “hedonic adaptation.” Hedonic adaptation refers to the fact that people tend to maintain roughly the same level of happiness even after positive or negative life changes. A new car, new house, or job promotion provide a jolt of happiness that quickly subsides as the change becomes the “new normal.” It becomes familiar, and the familiarity blinders begin to limit your joy and gratitude once again.

One suggestion to combat hedonic adaptation is to seek happiness in meaningful and challenging activities rather than passing pleasures or possessions. Psychologist and researcher Martin Seligman distinguished pleasures from what he termed “gratifications.” While pleasures are transitory, sense-based, and involve little thinking, gratifications are activities that require some effort, but we find them so engaging that we don’t notice the passage of time.

As psychologist Elizabeth Scott explains, gratifications engage us by being challenging but not too challenging. She went on to say, “Gratifications, as well as activities that present a strong sense of meaning to us, are more immune to the effects of hedonic adaptation. Interestingly, the more we engage in gratifications, the more we enjoy them. These are activities that require more effort and thought, but the payoff is higher as well. The more we engage, the more we enjoy. Gratifications include activities that are often thought of as hobbies, like creating art, or learning a skill like karate.” Meaningful activities generally involve some form of altruism and have similar long-lasting positive effects on happiness, peace, and wellbeing.

Another science-backed method to combat hedonic adaptation and foster gratitude is journaling about things you’re thankful for. In a study conducted by Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough, participants were divided into groups and asked to write weekly either about things they were grateful for, things that irritated them, or things that were neutral. After 10 weeks, the group who had been writing about gratitude were more hopeful and positive about their lives, exercised more, and visited the doctor less than the other groups.

The effort we put into practicing gratitude bears much fruit because greater awareness of the good around us makes all aspects of life more joyful and fulfilling. Through art, journalling, mindfulness, and meaningful activities, we can rise above the daily grind that tends to deaden our awareness and appreciation for the beautiful gifts of life, and the gift of life itself.