Giving the Gift of Community

In an era when everyone seems to have everything, consider giving community

Small acts of kindness, such as bringing cookies to the neighbors, show you care and keep loneliness at bay. Biba Kayewich

Almost all of us have a person on our Christmas gift-giving list who’s perennially difficult to buy for. This isn’t because they are picky, but because of the simple fact that they already have everything. Unfortunately, the number of people on such lists may be growing, and may even include ourselves—a fact I discovered recently while listening to a conversation at a gathering of friends that went something like this:

“It’s so hard to buy gifts these days!” one friend exclaimed. “People have everything, so you end up having to buy these frivolous items that no one needs.”

“Well, I find it hard to even figure out what to tell others that I want for that same reason,” another friend added. Then, her face brightened, “But things like babysitting or other help? Now that’s what I really need!”

As the others enthusiastically agreed, I was suddenly struck by the fact that in our materialistic culture, “stuff” is no longer what we crave. We crave what we lack: namely, the gifts that only a community can bring.

Once upon a time, the American celebration of Christmas was a simple affair—think “Little House on the Prairie,” where Mary and Laura were gleefully astonished by their Christmas gifts of a penny, a tin cup, a little cake, and a stick of candy. In such times, goods were scarce, but community wasn’t. Even though many pioneers lived far apart from one another, community still thrived as people were quick to come together to lend a helping hand to their neighbors—raising barns, caring for the sick, or even sacrificially bringing food to those in need, as the opening chapter in “Little Women” portrays. In essence, the only gifts that most Americans in the past could freely give were the ones that they gave of themselves.

Today is just the opposite. We are rich in material goods and ready to give them out even when the recipient really doesn’t need them, yet we shrink back when we are asked to give of ourselves through gifts of hospitality, time, or labor.

“Those really aren’t gifts,” we tell ourselves, “I would look cheap and the people on my list really wouldn’t value what I have to offer.” So we isolate ourselves and send expensive presents as a proxy. What we really need is a good lesson on the meaning of community and how to promote that through our gift-giving.

“Community,” author Robert Nisbet once wrote in “The Quest for Community,” “is the product of people working together on problems, of autonomous and collective fulfillment of internal objectives, and of the experience of living under codes of authority which have been set in large degree by the persons involved.”

Suburban living, he noted, doesn’t lend itself to such community because “there are no common problems, functions, and authority” in it.

“People do not come together in significant and lasting associations merely to be together,” Nisbet wrote. “They come together to do something that cannot easily be done in individual isolation.”

Thus, if we want to restore some of the community mindset in our giving this year, we need to look for gifts that minimize isolation and seek to relieve the common problems that plague us. And in my experience, some of the most common root problems are loneliness, discouragement, and lack of time.

Simply finding ways to be a friend and spend time with someone are great gifts to cure loneliness. So instead of a gift, take time to call or email someone you know is having a rough year. Invite them over for a meal and conversation. Take them out to coffee or lunch. Don’t be afraid to ask them deep, pointed questions—sometimes, people need to open up and talk about the hard things they’re going through, but are too afraid to do so unless they are asked point-blank.

Discouragement can often lead to loneliness, so nip discouragement in the bud by showing your friends, neighbors, and relatives you care and value them through small acts of kindness. Bring them a plate of cookies out of the blue. Ask them what you can pray for, and then follow through in taking their worries and concerns to God.

If you know someone who has loved ones in the hospital or is involved in heavy caregiving, take time to make them a little package of quick and easy snacks they can grab on the fly, such as microwave popcorn and hot chocolate. You will lift their discouragement not only by making them feel loved, but also by giving them the quick sustenance that’s hard to come by when they’re focused on someone else.

Finally, feeling overwhelmed can lead to discouragement, so finding ways to lift the load of others and enlarge their time can be a welcome gift. As my friend mentioned in our conversation the other day, offering to babysit for someone—especially a young mom—is a way to give her a breather and a chance to run errands without having to wrangle children. And volunteering to do chores or make a meal for a single parent will lift them out of the perpetual drowning feeling.

Reaching out through such gifts of kindness not only uplifts those who receive the gifts, it also encourages the givers and builds a bond between the two, a bond that results in greater fellowship and community. But the beauty of giving the gift of community is that it doesn’t have to be done only at Christmas. In fact, it’s something that’s best done continually, throughout the entire year.

The more each one of us becomes a giver of community, the more we'll see relationships rebuilt, hope restored, and loneliness dissolved—some of the best gifts we can give to our country at large.