When I recently opened a book of meditations given me by a friend, this line jumped at me from the page: “Desperation is better than despair.”
At first, this comparison confused me, as both desperation and despair seem synonyms for hopelessness. But as I thought it over, the distinction between the two became clear to me. Despair is the complete loss of hope. The night is black, there’s not a trace of moonlight, and dawn is never coming. The man or woman truly in despair has arrived at the end of a path, from which there is no turning back, and the way forward has vanished in a dark, impenetrable wood.
Desperation is a sister of despair, the absence of hope, but with one significant difference. Those in despair have surrendered completely to whatever dark forces have oppressed them. The desperate fight on despite their wounds and broken weapons, always with a sliver of hope in their hearts.
History provides examples of this distinction. After the fall of France in World War II, for instance, Winston Churchill, his government, and the British people stood alone against Adolf Hitler’s Third Reich, hanging on to hope by a thread as they fought against what seemed insurmountable odds.
There’s the voice of a man whose cause is desperate but who will never yield to despair.
Most of us have experienced times when we feel at our wit’s end. A marriage on the rocks, a sinking business, a child addicted to opioids; when these and other storms come crashing down upon us, we may feel as if escape, much less a successful outcome, is impossible.
Yet tools are at hand that may help us when all seems lost, if we choose to use them. First, we must resolve absolutely to never give way to despair. Abandon all hope, and you’re a goner. Nil desperandum, the old Latin tag for “never despair,” should be emblazoned on our banner in this fight.
Next, we must take a step back from this battlefield and do our best to view it as coolly and calmly as possible. Desperate times call for desperate measures, yes, but before we place our bets and throw the dice, we should assess with as much objectivity as we can muster what we are trying to accomplish. If nothing else, this means writing out in black and white the causes of our troubles and then making a list of tactics with which we might combat them.
Sometimes, too, it becomes necessary to accept defeat—the failed marriage, the failed business—to regroup, and to strike off in a different direction. If we emerge from the mess we’re in with some shred of hope intact, and if we’ve fought the good fight, we can at least set off on that new venture as veteran travelers, seasoned by the trials we have endured. Like failure, desperation can be a teacher if we pay attention in its classroom.
Finally, to help us survive this ordeal, another Latin adage comes to mind, a more positive version of the earlier one. It is the unspoken motto of all those who have ever refused to give up the fight: “Dum spiro, spero,” or, “While I breathe, I hope.”
There’s a watchword that will comfort us through many a dark night.
