Culinary Etiquette 101

Follow these dinner table rules to navigate the hotbed of knives, forks, and polite society

If you find yourself confused by the array of utensils at a formal dinner, watch to see what your hosts use. Fei Meng

Table manners serve two purposes: to show our respect for others and to refrain from embarrassing ourselves. These principles will have you sitting down in comfort at your next formal dinner. Bon appétit!

Arrive on Time

The first rule of good culinary manners has nothing to do with food. Your hosts have gone through a lot of time and effort to create a memorable, enjoyable meal, but if they have to delay serving it until you decide to show up, it can ruin it for everyone else. You’ll also miss out on mingling with the other guests; once seated for the meal, it’s not always easy to talk to everyone.

Arrive no more than 15 minutes early, and leave only after the meal has been completed; leave no sooner than 15 minutes after the meal is done. Send a written “thank you” note within two days after the event.

Fine Dining 101

If you find yourself confused by the array of utensils at a formal dinner, watch to see what your hosts use. If you’re dining at a restaurant, see what utensils others are using. If in doubt, start with the fork and knife placed at the outside, such as the smaller fork for salads, and work your way in with each successive course.

Pass food to the right, helping yourself to a small portion—you can have seconds after everyone has been served—and never reach across the table to load food onto your plate or grab a dinner roll, even if it’s “right there.”

Napkin Knowledge

When you take a seat, place your napkin in your lap, folded in half with the fold against your waist. Resist the urge to unfurl it with a dramatic snap of the wrist. Use it by delicately pressing against your lips to address any errant food bits or sloshed drinks.

If you must leave the table for any reason, place the napkin on your chair or to the left of the plate to let the waiter know you'll be returning. At the completion of all courses of the meal, when the hosts place their napkins on the table, do the same.

Continental or American?

We’re not talking about cars, but rather two styles of using forks and knives. Neither is wrong; it’s simply good manners to follow the lead of your hosts. The American style has you using a knife to cut the food with your right hand, then taking the fork in your right hand to eat. In Continental style, cutting is done with the right hand, and the fork remains in your left hand to hold it and to then eat it.

Watch your hosts to see if they hold their fork with the tines “up” as they eat or if they hold it with the tines curved down to hold and eat their food.

Be Helpful and Fun

When dining at the host’s home, offer to assist with any last-minute tasks such as arranging chairs or setting the table. Prior to eating, while everyone is mingling, step in and help if a drink or a plate of hors d’oeuvres is spilled.

Dinner conversations don’t have to be stilted and dry; while ribald humor is never appropriate, people have more fun when they’re laughing, so feel free to put your wit on display. Note that this isn’t the same as monopolizing the conversation—get the conversation going, then sit back and enjoy it. After the meal, as the guests are leaving, offer to help clear the table, wash dishes, or take out the trash.

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International Eats

Now that you’ve mastered the many forks on the table; here’s some additional trivia if you’re going to travel to other countries.

Thai Technique

In Thailand, you never put a fork in your mouth. A fork is used to manipulate food onto the spoon, which is your primary eating utensil, and must be held in the right hand. No utensils are used for sticky rice, which is a hand food that is balled up before eating.

Mexican Manners

Step away from the cutlery in Mexico when eating tacos. Tacos are a “hands on”—two hands for a firm grip—meal. If you’re concerned about drips, that’s what the napkin in your lap is for. To use a fork and knife, unless the taco has completely come apart, is pretentious.

Chopstick Concerns

Resist the temptation to stick your chopsticks upright in your rice. When not in use, lay them parallel to the table edge. Upright chopsticks in a bowl of rice is a funeral custom in most Asian cultures—in Shinto and Buddhist cultures specifically.