Many years ago, my wife and I learned Rule No. 1 about vacations.
They’re supposed to be relaxing.
And we learned the hard way, booking a week-long bus tour through Italy—seven days, seven cities, seven different hotels, and a requirement to have your suitcase outside your door by 6 a.m. to be loaded onto the bus every day.
Between the bus rides and the crack of dawn wake-up calls, we came home exhausted.
Since then, every vacation we’ve taken has been on a cruise ship.
That means no hotels to book, no searching for local restaurants, entertainment every night, and no wake-up calls. We unpack once for the duration of the sailing. And it’s quite the bargain. The cost of one night on a cruise ship, which includes every meal, is often less than one night in a hotel.
Over the years, we’ve taken about 20 cruises and loved every minute. Once you’ve embarked and unpacked, you can enjoy a ship that is a combination of floating hotel, restaurant, and theater with a daily rundown of activities to fill every waking hour if you desire. Want to have a few drinks with dinner? You’re not driving, the captain is, so you can stagger back to your cabin. Hungry in the middle of the night? Room service is usually available (and often free) 24 hours a day.
You go to bed and wake up in a new port. And while you’re exploring those ports of call, magical little elves descend on your cabin. You may have left it a complete disaster but return to find towels in the shape of swans and mints on your pillow. Want something special that’s not on the menu? Just ask, and it will likely appear.
Cruise lines have gone out of their way to add creative entertainment to ships, with everything from skydiving simulators to zip lines. Many now have giant video screens on deck, which turn into floating drive-in movies at night that you can watch while you’re in the pool or hot tub.
You might have the most high-stress job in the world, but a cruise lets your worries go out with the tide. Shortly after you set sail and get used to living on the sea, your most stressful decision might be whether to eat the lobster or steak at dinner. Do you go to the magic show or dance in the nightclub? Read a book by the pool or get a massage? Watch the Broadway review or play cards with friends?
- Arrive a day before the cruise sails. With flights always in danger of cancellation and the chance a car breaks down, you don’t want to push the envelope. Because if you miss your cruise, you miss your vacation. And if you’re staying in a hotel the night before a cruise, check whether it offers discounted parking that is cheaper than the lot at the port.
- There are often perks cruise lines don’t really advertise. If you’ve served in the military, you might score some on-board credit that can be used for gifts, tours, drinks, etc. A few cruise lines offer credit if you own stock in the company. Ask when you book.
- Balcony cabins are worth the extra money, and not just because of the great view. If you want more privacy, you can stretch out on a lounge chair on your balcony. And you’ll sleep great with the salt air and sound of a sea breeze coming through the door.
- Tip the cabin steward when you first arrive. That person will take extra good care of you.
- You can save a ton of money (and enjoy a quieter cruise) by sailing during the school year. But when kids are out and on vacation, the prices can be significantly higher. Holiday cruises are also more expensive. Booking at the last minute can save quite a bit.
- Need to travel across the pond but hate flying? Cruise lines have “repositioning cruises” a few times during the year during which they move ships across the oceans. Get on a ship in Florida and off in Europe.
- Take an empty or almost empty suitcase. Trust me, you’ll be bringing home stuff. And take a few empty water bottles. You can fill them up for those trips on shore and avoid buying expensive bottled water on board.
- Choose a favorite cruise line and stick with it. Just like airlines have frequent flyer programs, cruise lines give perks to return customers. The more you cruise, the better the perks. Many lines have affinity credit cards, with which your expenditures can be turned into discounts or perks.
- Some cruise ships have a self-service laundry available for passengers. Pack half as many clothes and do a quick load of laundry in the middle of the cruise.
- Ask for recipes if you eat something you love. The chef might share. On one occasion, we had the best pecan pie ever and I asked the waiter if we could have the recipe. He handed me an envelope containing it at the end of the night. When we got home we were excited to do some baking and opened the envelope. The recipe was for the entire ship. “600 eggs, 50 pounds of pecans ...” Thankfully my wife is a math teacher.
Of course, there’s one thing about cruising that will disappoint you when you get home.
That towel you left on your bathroom floor this morning? It’s still there and not folded into a swan.
