Chocolates, Roses, and Restaurants: Is There Anything More to Valentine’s Day?

Use this less-popular holiday to reawaken your affections and spread a little bit of love and positivity to everyone you meet.

Detail of an English Victorian-era Valentine card. Public domain

Of all our major fiestas, surely Valentine’s Day ranks as our “I don’t get no respect” holiday.

Most of the holidays we Americans celebrate are either grounded in a specific event or intended to honor an individual or group. We blow off fireworks on Independence Day, for instance, and salute our military on Memorial Day and Veterans Day. Labor Day pays tribute to workers with backyard barbecues, parades, and tag-end trips to the beach. Thanksgiving means family, turkey and sides, and Pilgrims, while Christmas brings the Nativity, Ebenezer Scrooge, Hallmark movies, and rounds of songs and carols on the car radio.

But February 14? Search online for America’s least favorite holidays, and Valentine’s Day often ranks at the top of that list.

Negatives

There are good reasons for this poor showing.

Some of us know the story of Saint Valentine, but few people connect that third-century holy man with a dozen red roses for sale in a florist’s shop. Other holidays are much more solidly built from flesh-and-blood traditions recognized by all, whereas the Feast of St. Valentine seems to have appeared out of nowhere, like moonbeams and flower petals pulled from a magician’s hat.

And let’s not forget that even less festive events like Presidents’ Day or Martin Luther King Day offer many people a three day weekend. Come Valentine’s Day, and you’re off and running to work or school the same as usual.

In addition, a good number of men and women turn a jaundiced eye on this day of love. Some regard it as a holiday concocted by chocolatiers, florists, and manufacturers of greeting cards. Others feel left out and abandoned, singles and recent divorcees in particular. Still others who daily show their love for another feel badgered into whipping up a fake enthusiasm for this annual extravaganza of affection, while the iron-hearted snort their contempt at what they perceive as sloppy sentimentality.

And let’s face it, the imagery and usual presents of this holiday appeal more to female sensibilities than to male sensibilities. Of the top five favorite gifts of Valentine’s Day—a greeting card, a nice dinner out, chocolates or candies, flowers, and a homemade meal or baked goods—two of them, boxes of chocolates and floral bouquets, are traditionally given by men to women. The melodies of the day—hearts, Cupids, cherubs, and xxxxx’s—may strike a chord with Emma and Ava, but Mike and Sam are often as deaf as Beethoven to their charms.

Positives

On the other hand, for some people, Valentine’s Day can often provide a wake-up call, injecting a sweet shot of romance into a relationship that has grown stale. A slogan from an old Coca-Cola advertisement, “The Pause That Refreshes,” applies here. The hard-working middle-aged man shopping for flowers in the grocery store may suddenly find himself thinking for the first time in months or even years what his wife truly means to him. Feeling unappreciated and blue, a woman who’s surprised with a candle-lit dinner is reassured that the man she loves still holds her high on a pedestal of affection.

The festival of hearts also provides a natural opportunity for some men—or, in our age, some women—to ask the monarch of their affections out on a first date. On Valentine’s Day, motive, means, and opportunity—a formula usually reserved for determining the guilt of criminals—link up in a more delightful triad that’s ready-made for declarations of love. It’s the holiday that can summon up the romantic in a high school sophomore or a 30-something professional. Watch “Sleepless in Seattle,” the movie where Sam and Annie meet at the top of the Empire State Building on Valentine’s Day, and you’ll see the hope, adventure, and magic of February 14 in action.

The day extends its pleasures to others as well. Young school children delight in the cards and candy hearts bestowed by parents, grandparents, and fellow students. Likewise, the teen who leaves a note on her single mother’s bedside stand thanking her for who she is and what she does may have just given her mom the best Valentine’s gift of her life.

Finally, celebrating Valentine’s Day is easy and inexpensive. We don’t need to make a fuss and spend a wad of money for outdoor decorations, treats, or costumes, as some do at Halloween, or even to buy some steaks—another wad of money these days—for a back yard Memorial Day barbecue. According to pollsters, a card with a few well-chosen personal words remains the day’s most popular gift.

Valentine’s Day, 2024

Right now, we’re hearing lots of talk about bitter divisions in America. From our president and our politicians to the lowliest podcaster, we’re fed a diet of rancor and animosity. From some radicals who appear blind to reality, we hear that America is a nation of racist, sexist bigots. We even hear it said of our fractured country that a civil war may be in the offing.

What we don’t hear much about is love—romantic love, married love, love for our neighbors and our country, love of any sort at all.

Whatever our complaints about Valentine’s Day, we might try and remember that it’s the one holiday which exists purely and simply to celebrate love. It’s the one day of the entire year that knocks at the door and calls on us to remember the love we have for others. Yes, the holiday’s primary emphasis is on romantic love, but visit any store that carries greeting cards, and you’ll likely find Valentine’s Day greetings for grandparents, parents, and friends. There’s a place for everyone in this royal court of love.

As individuals, we can’t wave a magic wand and end the ugly war of words and abuse in our country. At this point, that’s beyond the power of any mere mortal.

But we can let those around us know we love them. We can bring a box of Valentine’s Day doughnuts and cookies to work. We can have flowers delivered to a supervisor or fellow employee who’s going through a rough patch. We can take a few minutes to call some people—parents, friends, a long-lost pal—and tell them we’re thinking of them. We can slip a love note into our spouse’s briefcase or lunch box.

Here’s one last way to spread the word, and it’s even easier and less expensive than buying a card. On February 14, just get a little goofy and spread a little love by saying “Happy Valentine’s Day!” to the people you meet, whether it’s that special person you love, your supervisor, or the clerk at the grocery store checkout.

Happy Valentine’s, everyone!