‘Chief Builder’: Father of 16 Creates Business Model to Help Families Thrive

S  The Gallaghers have found a system that keeps their family running smoothly, even with 16 (15 pictured here) kids. Courtesy of Conor Gallagher

In a 1798 letter to George Custis, his adopted grandson, President George Washington wrote, “System in all things should be aimed at; for in execution, it renders every thing more easy.” By system, Washington meant a daily schedule that, if followed, might allow the undisciplined Custis “to make considerable progress in whatsoever line is marked out for you.”

Conor Gallagher of Charlotte, North Carolina, takes that concept of a system to a radically higher level. As the father of 16 children and a CEO of several enterprises, Gallagher applies the principles and systems of the business world to the home.

Of his tribe of offspring, who range in age from 5 months old to 22 years old, Gallagher said with a chuckle: “People say: ‘Oh, my gosh, how do you raise 16 children? I can barely raise two.’ And I say to them: ‘I don’t raise 16 children. I manage environments.’”

Just as systems, good or bad, shape the environment of a workplace, so too, Gallagher contends, they shape the environment in a home. And every system, he says, is the fruit of the vision behind it.

Making the Vision Real

“The vision statement is the foundation of it all,” Gallagher said. “That’s not meant to be some platitude. It’s really meant to be a foundation, and particularly in a marriage. When we apply a vision statement to marriage and a family, it should serve as a reminder that you and your spouse are literally on the same page. We have a complete agreement, complete unity, on the ultimate goal of this family.”

Gallagher and his wife, Ashley, who’ve been married 24 years, have their own vision statement to help them keep going when life gets a little chaotic: “When you have that hanging on the wall in front of your face and you can look at it on a recurring basis, it will help you put the small conflicts in the proper place, and you won’t blow those out of proportion and let them ruin your everyday life, your marriage, your relationships.”

Once mom and dad have a written vision statement, clear markers, and aspirations for creating a healthy marriage and a loving family, Gallagher suggests several systems based on those principles and intentions that will help them manage their lives and the household. These systems aim at specifics: improved relationships, a home that operates smoothly and according to a schedule, ways to make decisions both major and minor, and the ability to measure progress in advancing toward individual and family goals.

The Gallagher family may be large, but each member knows that he or she belongs. Courtesy of Conor Gallagher

To help make these goals become realities, he wrote a new book, “Well-Ordered Family,” supplying an abundance of advice and several dozen checklists and charts under rubrics like “the “marriage check-in,” a weekly heart-to-heart to keep spouses on the same page; “the family huddle,” brief meetings to set the schedule and logistics for the coming week; and “the family scorecard,” tangible measurements of the progress made by the family and individuals.

Family Enemy No. 1: Screens

Part of the program Gallagher and his wife employ in their home is called “key family policies.” Some examples are morning routine, schoolwork, chores, and smartphone usage. This last one is most worrisome to Gallagher when it comes to creating healthy families.

“We are lulled into an artificial sense of comfort that this digital consumption—watching TV, flipping through YouTube shorts, playing video games—is providing us rest,“ he said. ”We allow our children to consume far more than is good for them. We’re so exhausted spiritually because we’re so busy physically.”

To counter these ubiquitous electronic diversions and dangers, Gallagher offers a “digital policybuilder”—suggestions, forms, and charts designed to provide rules and boundaries for screen time—tracking the time allotted for these entertainments, for example—and the exclusion of smartphones from the dinner table.

There's plenty of time for fun and traveling, even with the logistics of a large family. Courtesy of Conor Gallagher

“I believe that the digital policy builder is the most urgent of all the tools that I offer,” he said, “and it has proven to be so in my own family. ... The constant digital bombardment is a serious spiritual threat to the well-being of families. And this is not hyperbole. This is statistics. So, families are under assault.

“We must as parents get a crystal clear digital policy written down so that our kids, no matter what their age is, little kids all the way up to the teenagers, know exactly what the rules are in regard to all digital devices.”

Family Master Plan: Model, Measurements, and Metrics

While screens may require immediate attention, it’s the “family master plan” that is the heart of Gallagher’s system. His blueprint for this plan is SWOT—strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats. Still following his business model, among other tools Gallagher offers a scorecard to parents for keeping track of progress and maintaining awareness in each of these areas.

“Whenever we get extremely focused on becoming excellent at something, whether it’s athletics, investments, whatever it is, we begin to measure things with precision, because we know excellence arises there,“ he said. ”So, if you want to be excellent at family life, you’re going to have to start measuring something.”

The Gallaghers have plenty of love to go around. Courtesy of Conor Gallagher

Using his own family as an example of how this plan works, Gallagher said: “So we measure how many times a week we pray as a family, how many times a month we go to confession as a family, and how many times we give out financial penalties for our kids not doing their chores correctly. It keeps our family focused on making small improvements on a regular basis, and it keeps the stress down.”

His “well-ordered family” model can also help smaller families—a single mother, for instance, with two children.

“Whether it’s divorce or death, and you have a parent going it alone, it’s important that the parent get crystal clear on what their purpose is on paper,“ he said. ”It really helps. Something magical happens. Pen hits paper and they get crystal clear about what the systems and roles and responsibilities are for each family member.”

Gallagher had some thoughts regarding teens in single-parent households and in all families: “The systems and agenda I’ve created invite that teenager stuck between childhood and adulthood into a leadership position in the family. They almost always step up. Because ultimately they long to be of meaning and purpose to the family.”

On his website, WellOrderedFamily.com, Gallagher offers some of the tools included his book, as well as a free family assessment test; he’s also doing coaching sessions.

The Spouse and Parent as Architect

Most mornings, Gallagher takes a walk with two or three children for 15 or 20 minutes down the road by his house to a little bridge over a nearby creek.

“I don’t check my email,“ he said. ”I’m not checking my phone. It’s just a mosey down the gravel road, and there’s eternity right there. And you have to find things like that.”

Conor finds time to bond with each of his children. Courtesy of Conor Gallagher

Such speculation seems natural in a man who earned a master’s in philosophy before going to law school. Gallagher understands that with all the tools, lists, and guides he uses and hopes others will adopt, here is one outstanding reason for all this planning—some golden time alone with the kids, a night out with a spouse, some evenings spent reading or thinking.

“You must plan these things,“ he said. ”You must create a rule of life for yourself where you’re building those types of eternal moments into your schedule.”

And working out this part of the schedule, making the magic happen, is up to the individual.

“The Greek etymology of architect is ‘chief builder,’” Gallagher said. “You are the chief builder of your family’s environment. If you don’t have time to go out with your wife, it’s because you built it that way and no one else.

“I call myself the architect of my family. It is my job to build structure, the order, and the routines of our family.”

Ashley and Conor Gallagher found success through a shared vision for their family. Courtesy of Conor Gallagher