BFF Etiquette: The Rules That Form Lifelong Bonds

From their best moments to their worst, be there for your bestie. Yaroslav Astakhov/Shutterstock

In teen years, a “best friend forever” can simply be someone who doesn’t gossip about you or steal your boyfriend. In later years, BFFs should be supportive, understanding, accepting, encouraging, dependable—and fun!

Be Honest

Being a best friend isn’t all unicorns and rainbows. A true friend is honest, which is easier said than done. If your friend is doing something that you think isn’t in their best interest, or worse, actually dangerous, it’s up to you to tell them. If you don’t lead them away from dressing 16 at work when they are actually 36, or telling them that their boyfriend is cheating on them, who will?

Make it clear that you’re protecting them, not judging them—after all, none of us are perfect—and, most importantly, that you are helping them from a place of love. Strangers are polite; not wanting to hurt a friend’s feelings isn’t doing them a favor.

Be Faithful

Loyalty is a sign of a strong moral compass. Never give your friends cause to doubt your loyalty. You’re on their side no matter the level of their current popularity or controversy.

It also means that you don’t put your interests first and are genuinely happy for them during the good times, even when they achieve a promotion that you'd wanted, their child got a scholarship and yours didn’t, or you otherwise feel that they’re doing better than you may be at the moment.

The greatest gift you can give a friend is to be yourself: If you’re feeling a bit down about your own accomplishments or lack thereof, pull off your “everything’s fine” mask and let your bestie be your cheerleader for a while.

Be Joyous

John Donne said, “No man is an island”—with all the deep and meaningful implications that entails. But that doesn’t mean the relationship can’t be a party island at times, complete with tiki torches, grass skirts, and steel drums.

Everyone wants to be around the person who’s having a good time. In turn, the more you include your BFF in the good times, the more fun you have. It’s a total win-win. Do little things throughout your day to brighten theirs, even if it’s just sending a funny picture to make them smile.

Be Thick-Skinned

In any relationship, feelings get hurt, and that hurt goes deepest when it’s someone who really matters to us. Pause before reacting to consider your friend’s motivation if they say or do something hurtful. Are they being honest and telling you something you may not want to hear, but need to? This may be a life-changing moment for you.

Perhaps they are having the most awful day ever and taking it out on you? If you can’t blow it off, confront it respectfully. Always separate the person from the criticism. One awful remark—no matter how much it hurts—isn’t a reason to get into a big fight or toss your entire relationship.

Be There

From their best moments to their worst, be there for your bestie, no matter what you’re going through at the time or how busy you may be. Time is a precious commodity, so be as generous with it as possible. After all, they’d do the same for you, wouldn’t they? (If not, are they really your BFF?)

Sometimes all it takes is a supportive phone call so they can talk about their hopes, fears, dreams, and, yes, even ramblings, knowing that you genuinely care. Or, you may need to drag them out when they’d rather sit at home and sulk, or you can simply sit quietly with a friend who needs some unconditional love.

Letting them know you have their back goes a long way to making them feel less alone and more in charge of whatever situation they’re dealing with.