In 2011, the United Nations General Assembly designated July 30 as the “International Day of Friendship,” affirming that through friendship “we can contribute to the fundamental shifts that are urgently needed to achieve lasting stability, weave a safety net that will protect us all, and generate passion for a better world where all are united for the greater good.” But why does friendship unite us? Why is it essential to the greater good?
These questions moved many thinkers throughout history. Chief among them is the Greek philosopher Aristotle, whose “Nicomachean Ethics” offers a lucid discussion of friendship’s complex nature and transformative power.
The ‘Nicomachean Ethics’
Ancient Greeks believed the greatest happiness was impossible without friendship. Aristotle’s teacher and predecessor, Plato, wrote dozens of dialogues where his loquacious mentor, Socrates, guided a wide range of interlocutors through difficult conversations. Sometimes Socrates irritated them, and sometimes he flattered them with undue compliments. But he always engaged them honestly, to discover truth together. He treated them all as friends.
The cover page of Aristotle's "Nichomachean Ethics." PD-US
Writing in the 3rd century B.C. like Aristotle, the philosopher Epicurus claimed that “Friendship goes dancing round the world, announcing to all of us to wake up to happiness.” Epicurus’s philosophy is often misread as promoting a self-absorbed pursuit of base pleasures. However, the Greek valued prudence, simplicity, and, above all, friendship, so much that he thought a wise person would feel a friend’s afflictions no less than his own, and would die for a friend rather than betray him.
Ancient philosophers saw friendship as more than a mere concept to be discussed in books or at academic gatherings. Plato, Epicurus, and many other Greek and Roman philosophers often exchanged letters with friends who offered or asked for personal advice. Their educational endeavors also entailed tireless mentorship between teachers and pupils. A conceptual understanding of friendship was meant to help them practice it in everyday life.
It’s in this context that Aristotle wrote “Nicomachean Ethics.” Edited by his son, Nicomacheus, after Aristotle’s death, the book remains one of the most influential texts in history. It begins with a discussion of ”eudaimonia,“ meaning ”happiness” in Greek. What follows is a meticulous examination of the nature of virtue and the character traits we need to live the best life. Aristotle’s analysis of friendship fills two books out of 10, testifying to its importance in the Greek’s mind.
"Aristotle tutoring Alexander," 1895, by Jean Leon Gerome Ferris. Public Domain
Utility
Aristotle begins his study with a distinction between the three types of friendships: virtue, pleasure, and utility. A friendship of utility revolves around the procurement of earthly benefits. Say someone knows you have a car. You know this person somewhat well, but you only see them occasionally. One day, they ask you for a ride to the airport. You agree out of generosity. Then, they disappear for two weeks. Out of the blue, without asking how you’ve been since you saw each other, they ask for another ride, this time to the shopping mall.
Aristotle would qualify this example as a classic case of utilitarian friendship. Friends who seek each other’s company to gain something don’t actually love each other. They love what they think the other can provide. The food, money, or status they accrue from their friendships take precedence over their friend’s wellbeing.
But why would we call this instrumental dynamic a “friendship”? The Greek “philia” doesn’t mean friendship in the modern sense. It can also mean tendency, desire, or attraction. For Aristotle, being attracted to someone because they have something we want is enough to categorize that attraction as “friendship.”
Pleasure
The same goes for friendships of pleasure, though pleasure is less obviously materialistic than utility. We enjoy the company of witty people not because of who they are, but because we like their humor. As Aristotle tells us, “in a friendship based on utility or on pleasure men love their friend for their own good or their own pleasure, and not as being the person loved, but as useful or agreeable.”
Bonds of utility and pleasure are fundamentally instrumental. They are “based on an accident” and “easily broken off.” When friends stop being witty, or when they sell their car, we stop benefitting from their humor or material goods and cease to seek their company.
"Alcibiades Receiving the Lessons of Socrates," 1776, by François-André Vincent. Oil on canvas; 38 4/5 inches by 51 1/2 inches. Fabre Museum, Montpellier, France. Public Domain
Virtue
Aristotle doesn’t condemn utility and pleasure completely. Each has its benefits. He is, however, uncompromising in claiming that only a friendship of virtue can foster the genuine happiness in this life.
A friendship of virtue is the best kind, but it’s also the rarest. It produces pleasure, because virtue is gratifying. But its pleasure stems from a purer disposition to wish the other’s good for the other’s sake. It’s deeper and more lasting because it doesn’t depend on external circumstances. Only those who wish another’s good without ulterior motives are “friends in the fullest sense, since they love each other for themselves and not accidentally.” This prerequisite—unconditional love—is necessary for virtue to flourish between friends.
In addition to unconditional love, this form of friendship requires thorough knowledge of the other. Aristotle allegedly claimed that a friend is “one soul dwelling in two bodies.” The Roman orator Cicero echoed the same sentiment in his “De Amicitia” (“On Friendship”), which describes a friend as one “who both loves himself, and craves another whose soul he may so blend with his own as almost to make one out of two!” Only time, care, and genuine trust can facilitate this profound bond.
Aristotle assumed that the people involved in this friendship are already virtuous prior to their bond. He believed a friendship of virtue could only blossom between people virtuous enough to value that kind of friendship in the first place. Maybe Aristotle was a bit closed-minded here. It seems possible for a virtuous role model to befriend a less virtuous person and help him to cultivate better habits. Virtue is the goal, but it need not always be the prerequisite. This working assumption undergirds successful youth and mentorship programs worldwide, which count on the universal capacity for friendship as a channel to teach virtue regardless of circumstances.
Friendship is essential. It’s a primary social good. It unites us because it demands love and trust, which bring us closer in heart and mind. It contributes to the greater good because it helps us to cultivate our shared humanity and recognize ourselves in the other.
In 2023, Pew reported that while 61 percent of Americans say friendships are important to them, 8 percent say they have no close friends. That may seem like a small percentage, but it amounts to some 27 million people. If friendship is a primary social good, we ought to ensure that it’s appropriately distributed. What incentives have we established to encourage people’s moral development? How can we promote friendship as an indispensable value, in theory and in practice? The answers are difficult, but we can at least begin with Aristotle.
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Leo Salvatore
Author
Leo Salvatore holds a bachelor's and a master's in the humanities, with a focus on classics and philosophy. His writing has appeared in Venti, VoegelinView, Future in Educational Research, Medium, and his Substack, “Thales’ Well.”
