Answering Nosy Questions With Poise and Diplomacy

Keep your composure and ward off nosy questions both firmly and graciously. cottonbro/Pexels

Some people don’t have a sensitivity filter. “What’s your salary?” “Why aren’t you married yet?” Don’t break out in a cold sweat. When you find yourself wanting to scream “Mind your own business!”, try these tactful responses instead.

Stock Responses

Said with lightness and a smile, these generic comebacks will work on the average Nosy Parker:

When you’re asked the dreaded body weight question, reply, “I forgot to check today.”

Salary queries? “Half of what I’m worth.”

Price of a big-ticket item? “Oh, are you offering to pay for it?”

Still single? “[Popular celebrity name] is taken.”

Generic intrusion? “You ask the silliest questions; I can’t answer that.”

And—the biggie—age? Claim an outrageous age—“I think I look great for 101”—or, give the “don’t go there” eyebrow lift.

The Non-Answer

“That’s so nice of you to ask.” “How sweet of you to care.” “I get that question a lot.” “It’s complicated.” The key to an effective non-answer is to have a conversational transition ready so that you can follow up your response with a firm change of subject.

You can ask them a question—non-intrusive, of course; people love to talk about themselves. Or, compliment the person on their dress, tie, scarf, etc. You can also change the focus to what’s going on around you. “This is the best Thanksgiving that Mom has ever hosted, isn’t it?”

Be Direct

Some people simply won’t get the hint. For these people, you may have to be a bit blunt, though still gracious.

When asked about your salary, the cost of your latest vacation, or other none-of-their-business questions, opt for, “I was raised to never discuss money or politics.”

If a co-worker wants to know why you’re taking tomorrow off, “It’s just a personal day.”

Then there are the big three: “I’m not comfortable talking about that,” “I would prefer not to talk about this,” and “That’s a very personal question.”

Or, you can put the ball back in their court by simply responding, “Why do you ask?”

Business Situations

An intrusive co-worker can easily become an ongoing situation, so you want to nip their behavior in the bud in a calm, professional manner. The first step is to limit their opportunity to ask questions by looking busy when they walk by. Dive into your paperwork or reach for the phone.

When you do have to talk with them, be cool and aloof. This is a place of work; you aren’t obligated to be best buddies with them. Reassess the personal items and photos on your desk, as they’re a goldmine of information for nosy co-workers. Limit social media information; don’t let them guilt you into becoming Facebook friends.

If they’re still making you seriously uncomfortable, you have recourse—tell your boss or human resources.

The Flip Side: Asking Nicely

Sometimes, an intrusive question has to be asked—and you may be the one who has to do the asking. A staff member might be allowing their personal life to negatively affect their work, or a family member might be doing something dangerous.

Consider your relationship with the person: Is someone else better suited than you to ask the question? If not, choose a location where they will feel comfortable; never ask a sensitive question in a crowd.

Then, simply request permission: “Would you mind if I ask you a personal question?” Be prepared to drop the subject if they’re too uncomfortable; you may have to come back to it later.