Many women and men dream of having children, but unfortunately sometimes a couple can have difficulty conceiving. Emily Adams and her husband tried desperately to become pregnant, but over time their prospects became less and less likely. In an effort to help other women who are struggling to conceive, Adams embarked on a literary journey to help women and be a voice for those struggling with infertility.
Emily Adams is 32 years old, and lives with her husband in Junction City, Kansas. She and her husband got married when they were both 21 years old. In fact, both she and her husband were born on the same day and the same year.
Adams and her husband talked about how they wanted to have children when they first met. In 2009, the couple started trying to conceive at age 22.
Seven months into trying, they realized they were having trouble trying to get pregnant. Two months later, doctor informed them that they were going to have a difficult time trying to have a child. Understandably, Adams was shaken by the news.
Infertility and Consolation
A couple weeks after receiving the news, Adams went to her favorite local bookstore to find some kind of consolation. Since both she and her husband were students, they couldn’t afford therapy. She also didn’t have any friends close by to talk to, so she thought she might be able to find a book that would help her.When she went to the bookstore she found numerous books about pregnancy, giving birth, and parenting. However, there was not a single book about infertility. She had brought a list of titles she had researched online, and gave it to the clerk.
“I remember just being so embarrassed because all of the books on the list were about infertility, and it kind of felt like a confession,” Adams said.
The clerk said the store did not have any of the books, but they could potentially special order them. But Adams felt she had already reached an emotional breaking point.
“By that time I just said no thank you, and I left. And I just felt so heartbroken, and I felt so alone. I thought maybe nobody feels the same way I do,” Adams recalled
Empathy and Emotion
As Adams contemplated writing her book, she discovered most books on the subject of infertility were scientific as opposed to how to emotionally contend with the condition. She wanted to write a book that her readers could empathize with on an emotional level—she wanted to write a book that inspired hope.Adams had both good days and bad days while writing her book while continuing to undergo fertility treatments. While some days were cathartic and she maintained hope, every fertility visit resulted in more bad news.
When Adams finally started to write her book she started out by writing a poem entitled “Sufficient Faith.”
“It’s the pain in my stomach that wakes me. The blood came again, despite my hope of healing. While lying beside my sleeping husband, scriptures burn through my mind of the blind seeing, the lame walking, and the dead rising. I believe each miracle so deeply: the verses feel like memories of mud on my eyelids just before sight; of a callused—not yet scarred—hand lifting me to my feet; of my heart stopping, then starting at His command. I feel the issue of blood, sticky and warm, telling me: you are again childless. From beneath the quilt, I reach out my hand. If I may but touch His robe, I shall be made whole. I know it. My fingers strain toward the ragged hem two thousand years distant.”
Adams wrote this poem because she was making every effort and putting a lot of faith in her ability to conceive. At the same time, she realized that her dream of becoming a mother could be far away. This poem ultimately became the catalyst for her book entitled “For Those with Empty Arms: A Compassionate Voice for Those Experiencing Infertility.”
While Adams worked on her book, she continued to undergo a variety of fertility treatments. She tried intrauterine insemination (IUI) and diagnostic tests to determine when she was ovulating. Nevertheless, all of her treatments were ultimately unsuccessful, and the prospect of conceiving became less and less likely.
Becoming a Voice
Adams and her husband began to sink into severe depression as their options became more and more limited. Adams struggled to fall asleep at night, and her husband would rub her back in an attempt to soothe her. Meanwhile, her husband struggled to wake up and she would rub his back to help him get out of bed. They tried their best to let each other know they loved each other unconditionally.As Adams and her husband were preparing for in vitro treatment, she was submitting her manuscript. Adams felt like even if this treatment didn’t work, at least her book would help others who had gone through the same experience. However, right before her book was to be released she learned she had become pregnant with twins. It was on Father’s Day of 2014.
“It was just a complete role reversal, and it was a little shocking really,” Adams remembered.
Adams gave brith to two healthy twins in 2015. Her twins are now four years old. After so much turmoil, Adams experienced a flood of emotions.
“It was also just really surreal too. Sometimes I thought ‘Did that really happen? Did I actually have kids? This baby here that I’m holding is this really mine?’” Adams remembers thinking.While she was elated that she had become a mother, she felt like she might come off as hypocritical having just released her book about being a voice for those experiencing infertility.
However, she realized that it was not hypocritical to give comfort to those who were struggling to become pregnant when she got positive responses and realized she was helping people.
“It just lifted my soul, and it helped me to realize that I was fulfilling what I'd wanted to do ever since that day in the bookstore,” Adams said.
