A Gift of Summertime

There's no better time than the present for making new friends

Attending community events or classes can expand our social horizons. Biba Kayewich

If you’ve vacationed at the shore, then you probably know the routine.

Just after dawn, walkers and joggers appear on the beach, sometimes solitary, sometimes with a companion or two. As the morning deepens, adults and children drift out of their rented homes carrying canopies and umbrellas, chairs and towels, and coolers containing snacks and beverages, and they set up camp. The younger children build sand castles or splash at the water’s edge, the older kids toss footballs and Frisbees or dive like porpoises into the waves, and the adults generally sit in the shade of their shelters, where they nap or chat together.

Dusk brings a reversal of the morning’s exodus, and sun-bronzed families and friends return to their houses for supper and more conversation.

Anthropologists, psychologists, and other observers sometimes categorize such interactions as “amassing social capital,” which is just a fancy way of describing the value of positive exchanges among people. However frivolous these hours spent together may appear, this shared time of play and talk strengthens the bonds between people.

A Time for Friends, Old and New

Visit this same beach in February, and the only people whom you’ll find on the sand are a few fishermen casting their lines into the surf.

The seasons affect our rapport with others. In the fall, life for many of us picks up speed. Kids go back to school, which drastically alters the schedules of parents. Winter for much of the country means confinement to quarters; only the most hardened chef fires up a backyard grill in January in Minnesota or Maine. Spring brings blossoms and birdsong, but the weather is still iffy—balmy one day and bitter cold the next.

But summer, even the sweltering afternoons of August, is that time of year when more of us get outside, when the pace of life slows a bit and becomes more relaxed. The season itself is synonymous with the word vacation.

And so, whether we’re at the beach or in our own neighborhoods, summer offers us the best opportunities for amassing our social capital.

Time to Party

In “23 Budget-Friendly Summer Party Ideas,” Nicole Steriovski gives readers some great suggestions for bringing together friends and neighbors and having some fun. She recommends such events as hot dog or tapas bars, taco buffets, watermelon or ice cream sundae parties, and BYOB wine and cheese festivities. If you live in an apartment without a yard, she proposes gathering friends for a picnic in a nearby park. A brunch with offerings such as fruit, croissants, cheeses, yogurt, and other fresh, tasty foods also can be a hit.

In another online article, Sarah Martens recommends many of these same ideas but also adds a “Summer Shrimp Boil” and a “Seaside Escape,” of which she writes, “West Coast, East Coast, or no coast—anyone can enjoy a sea-inspired summer party with our tasty menu and a few tropical touches.”

Keeping it simple is the key to these get-togethers. The idea is for you as the host to share in the talk and laughter, not to stress out over the menu or the seating arrangements. An ice cream social, for example, is a wonderful vehicle for a relaxed, pleasurable evening.

Sometimes, we get so caught up in our routines that we forget to enjoy the company of others, even in the summer. Some people are also apprehensive about inviting co-workers, or even friends, to their homes for some fun and fellowship. Start small, if that helps, and stay simple, but give these summer celebrations a chance. You may be surprised at what gifts such a gathering may bring.

Lonely Hearts

Many Americans claim that they lead lives of unhappy isolation. They want friends, but they don’t know how or where to meet people and get acquainted. Once again, summer provides some ideal conditions for breaking that mold.

In an article on making friends during the summer, Paul Sanders offers some wise suggestions. He begins by cautioning lonely readers to lower their expectations, to realize that building friendships requires an investment of patience and effort. He recommends adding a “weekly social hour” to your calendar, setting aside a specific time for getting together with old friends or going to places to seek out new ones. This might include attending community events, such as fairs or a Saturday morning farmer’s market, or joining a summer class in something of interest such as yoga or art.

Here are some items I’d add to Mr. Sanders’s list.

First, put away your phones and screens. If you’re going to a sports bar or a café looking for a bit of company, try to avoid whipping out your cell phone as soon as you take a seat. Scout out the place a bit, engage the barista or bartender in casual conversation, and look at the people who come and go. If it looks like a place that might fit you, then revisit it several times until you’re comfortable being there.

The second item is probably obvious. If we want to shape up physically, conventional wisdom tells us, the first thing to do is to get out of the house and start walking. The same holds true if we’re looking to connect with other people. We begin by leaving our house or apartment, and heading off to places where we’ll be around other people. This seems like a no-brainer, yet it’s easy to get stuck in a rut where we spend every evening alone at home.

Next, to become acquainted with others, we need to talk, ask questions, and be present with them. Mr. Sanders gives some helpful links in his article on the art of making conversation. Small talk doesn’t come naturally for everyone, but if we overcome this shyness, the results may surprise us.

Finally, take a summer attitude with you. Summertime is casual, easygoing, and centered on having some fun. Avoid making this quest with gritted teeth and a face of flint. Try instead to look at it as an adventure. Laugh at yourself if you fall flat. Then get to your feet and give it another shot.

We Need Each Other

“Even five-minute, meaningful conversations with other people not only fuel us in the moment but also build up a reserve of social capital so that when hard times strike, we can draw down on that bank account,” wrote author and positive psychologist Michelle Gielan.

In mid-June, my son and his family were staying for a week at the small house that they own on a beach in North Carolina. They were visiting other family members a mile or so up the road when his wife received a text from their property management company that read: “Your house is on fire. The fire department is there.”

They raced back to find that their dryer had caught fire. A next-door neighbor, a casual acquaintance, had seen smoke coming from the vent, knocked on their door, and, receiving no answer, called 911. The firefighters arrived quickly, got the dog out of the house, left it with another neighbor who knew my son and the dog, and quickly put out the fire without too much damage to the house.

Because of that quick-thinking neighbor, the swift response by the fire department, and the help from the neighbors across the street, what might have become a major disaster instead became an inconvenience.

“Man,” Aristotle famously wrote, “is by nature a social animal.” We aren’t meant to live lonely lives, miserable and isolated from one another. With its outdoor enticements and the more laidback approach to life inspired by this season, summer is a great time to remember that Greek philosopher’s pronouncement, and to expand and deepen our relationships with others in our community.