5 Ways to Revive Romance and Love

Edvard Nalbantjan/Shutterstock

“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

Coined in 1970, that feminist adage may bring a smile, but the sentiment behind it is deadly to male-female romances and relationships, especially when men throw it into reverse: “A man needs a woman like a fish needs a bicycle.”

Of course, men and women have long waged the battle of the sexes, but our ancestors often used humor as their shields and swords. They made good-natured cracks about the opposite sex, laughing at their foibles and their differences. From Geoffrey Chaucer’s “The Wife of Bath” to comedian Henny Youngman’s classic line “Take my wife ... please,” the dissimilarities between men and women were frequently a source of amusement founded on affection.

No more.

For decades now, our politically correct age has eroded those entertainments and endearments. Our universities, our government, and the culture at large have intruded in ways never before seen in male-female relationships. Here’s just one minor example: This year, the Disney theme parks dumped the words “Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls” from introductions to events—for being “gendered language.”

These assaults have taken a toll on love and romance. Marriage rates are declining, and romance itself seems to be on the verge of disappearing. As Lawrence Samuel reports in “Is Romantic Love Going Extinct?” many young people scorn romantic love in part because they fear the emotional bonds associated with it. He said that “a national poll of 18-to-29-year-olds conducted by the Pew Research Center found that almost 60 percent of the respondents were not at the time in committed relationships and that most of them were not interested in being committed to anyone.”

And in her 2021 article, “Fewer Americans See Romantic Partners as a Source of Life’s Meaning,” Hillary Hoffower reported that a recent Pew Research Center poll “that surveyed more than 2,500 Americans found that 9% of respondents cited their spouse or romantic partner as a source of meaning in life. That’s quite a drop from 2017, when 20% said the same.”

But suppose some men and women want to buck this trend and pursue true love; what can be done?

1. Avoid Chauvinism and Stereotypes

Sigmund Freud once asked, “What does a woman want?” That’s a foolish question. Right now, planet Earth is home to about 3.905 billion females. Ask those women, “What do you want?” and you’re likely to get several million answers. There are 3.97 billion men on Earth. Ask them what they want, and you’ll get millions of different answers.

So here’s a thought: Let’s stop lumping people together and stereotyping them based on their gender. Let’s stop saying, for instance, that all men are unfeeling lunkheads or that all women are emotionally manipulative. Instead, let’s regard the person who has attracted us as a unique human being.

In other words, if we wish to bring romance to life, let’s look at the opposite sex as individuals rather than as statistics.

2. Show Some Respect and Empathy

Most of us learned at an early age that to cross a street, we needed to stop, look, and listen.

We should apply those same rules to our relationships with the opposite sex.

Let’s say you’ve come home after work to find your loved one trying to cook supper while carrying a wailing toddler. Do you pause a moment, offer to take the baby or stir the soup, and ask your partner about his or her day? Or do you immediately start moaning and groaning about your day at the office and the latest shenanigans of the boss?

When we offer comfort to the other person in our lives, we are showing our love for that person. When we focus on ourselves, as we often do in our self-obsessed culture, we aren’t building bridges, but are instead throwing up barriers.

“Reach out and touch someone,” ran an old telephone ad. The same applies to our partners.

3. Men, Play the Gentleman

In her 2019 column for the Chicago Tribune “When Did Men Stop Being Gentlemen?” Jackie Pilossoph wrote, “When it comes to men, I’m old-school. I like a gentleman.” She then described a female friend who went on a first date with a narcissistic man who paid little attention to her, ordered his favorites from the menu, blabbed on about his work, and even asked her for a ride home at the end of the evening.

Pilossoph was appalled. As for me, I just wanted to smack the guy upside the head with an etiquette guide.

At the end of her article, Pilossoph said she knows plenty of men who “haven’t forgotten how to be gentlemen.”

Guys, being a gentleman is easy and painless. Mostly, it means making those around you comfortable, sharing a conversation rather than dominating it, truly listening, and staying focused on your companion.

One practical tip: If you want to make an impression on a first date, bring her flowers. And if you’re married or in a long-term relationship, bring some flowers or some other unexpected gift.

You’re not only showing love to these women. You’re showing them class.

4. Women, Play the Lady

Years ago, when I was teaching the humanities to homeschoolers, a mom once commented to me, “I wish boys knew how to treat girls.”

I held my peace, but I remember thinking, “I wish girls knew how to treat boys.”

Ladies, here’s some advice from an old guy who has made plenty of mistakes, some of them horrible, in his relationships. Have the back of your husband or the partner you love. As Tammy Wynette once sang, “Stand by Your Man.” Whether you’re just getting to know each other or you’ve been married 30 years, be in his corner. If that guy loves you, count yourself blessed.

One practical tip: Don’t assume that we men know what you want. Whether you’re talking to a friend or a therapist, please avoid saying of the man in your life, “He should understand my wants and needs without me telling him.”

Most of us don’t. If you want us to understand, you need to take our chin between your thumb and forefinger, look us directly in the eye, and tell us what you want.

5. Vive La Différence!

In the movie “My Fair Lady,” Professor Higgins sings, “Why Can’t a Woman Be More Like a Man?” Often our own culture advocates that same idea, promoting masculinity in women and femininity in men.

No, I say. No, no, no.

As a man, women are creatures of mystery to me, often unfathomable in delightful ways. When I first met the woman who would become my wife, her favorite beverage was Hawaiian Punch with a few Oreo cookies completing the treat. She loved shoes, having her head scratched, and naps when time permitted. I found these details fascinating. But the biggest mystery, one which I never solved, was why she ever loved me in the first place.

Instead of erasing gender differences, or even worse, regarding them as walls that should forever keep men and women far from love and romance, I say we should celebrate and enjoy the distinctions between the sexes.

If, as some have proclaimed, romance is dead, then alas, so are we.