5 Ways to Focus on What Really Matters

Spending time in the beauty of the outdoors soothes the soul. Biba Kayewich

Recently, I wrote about the “slow living” movement, a response to the ever-increasing speed at which we fly through life in the modern world, running from one activity to another, trying to keep our heads above the mire of all that we need to do, while stress accumulates until it’s like a heavy iron ring around our necks and we wonder where the days and years disappear to.

Slow living aims to strip away the inessentials from our lives so that we have the time and mental space to take a breath and focus on what really matters. It may be defined as “a mindset whereby you curate a more meaningful and conscious lifestyle that’s in line with what you value most in life.” Slow living questions the prevailing orthodoxy that to be successful, you must make a lot of money and accomplish things at a frenetic pace. Rather, we must organize our lives until they are properly balanced and ordered toward our true priorities, not toward the idol of mere efficiency and blind productivity.

My previous article dealt with the philosophy of slow living, its history, and why our culture struggles so much with the concept. This piece is intended to be more practical, offering several suggestions for those who wish to “live slowly,” turning down the tempo of their lives to better savor all that they have and love.

Start Slow

Getting up earlier and establishing a calm morning routine will set the trajectory for the entire day. Lisa Joyner, writing for Country Living, quotes physiologist and sleep expert Nerina Ramlakhan:

“When we get up earlier and with a gentle pace we have more time to ease into the day with calm and no distraction. ... We have time to do the things we think we never have time to do—sit and read, savour that cup of tea, get out and enjoy the early sunrise, pay attention to our breath, take time to cook a nourishing breakfast, and contemplate.”

Of course, the right morning routine will vary from person to person, but the key is to avoid jumping immediately into business or logistical matters or instantly getting sucked into a social media whirlpool as soon as you rise. Reading, walking, cooking, journaling, and praying are all activities that can help ground you at the beginning of the day.

Spend Time in Nature

Spending time in the beauty of the outdoors soothes the soul. Biba Kayewich

Studies have clearly established the health benefits—physical and mental—of spending time outdoors, such as lower blood pressure and stress and a boosted mood and immune system. But even in addition to these obvious physical advantages, it seems that time moves more slowly outdoors, and the beauty abundant everywhere soothes the soul.

One saying, attributed to Chinese philosopher Lao Tzu, runs, “Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished,” and Victorian English poet Gerard Manley Hopkins writes:

And for all this, nature is never spent; There lives the dearest freshness deep down things; And though the last lights off the black West went Oh, morning, at the brown brink eastward, springs— Because the Holy Ghost over the bent World broods with warm breast and with ah! bright wings.

It’s these kinds of dispositions that we can develop through contact with the natural world.

Put Thoughtful Limits on Technology Usage

Few things steal our time as much as unnecessary technology usage. Fortune magazine reports that internet users of age 16 to 64 spend an average of almost seven hours per day on the web. This translates to 17 years of your life spent online, if you start using the internet at 18 and live to be 80. Data from consumer insight company GWI shows that of those nearly 7 hours, the typical internet user spends two and a half of them on social media.

Of course, for most of us, there’s no question of eliminating computers, phones, and tablets entirely. Slow living is not a Luddite movement. But we do need to learn to control those devices, or they will control us.

So probably the fastest way to slow down (a bit of a contradiction, I know) is to cut out or reduce unnecessary internet usage, such as social media. Even if the average user spent half an hour on social media each day—plenty of time to catch up on notifications—instead of two and a half hours, that would suddenly open up two extra hours per day. What would you do with an extra two hours each day?

Work From Home

Before the Industrial Revolution, a time when the whole world moved more slowly, most people worked from home as either farmers, tradesmen, or small shop owners.

I recently became a full-time writer, a vocation that allows me to work from home all the time, with the exception of the occasional research outing or coffee shop excursion. I have noticed a significant deceleration in the pace of my life since making the switch. I am more connected to my family, my home, and my neighbors, more rooted in my local landscape. I can set my own hours, and take breaks to go outside, play with my daughter, or chat with my wife. In addition, I have no commute and no traffic to deal with, which has restored to me an hour and 20 minutes of my day, every day.

Of course, this suggestion won’t be possible or desirable for everyone. But even if you work at an office, it may be possible to incorporate more contemplative routines such as a walk during lunch break, and you might ask yourself whether you really need to put in the extra hours in the cubicle or not when 5 p.m. arrives.

Embrace Silence

We live in a world of incessant noise. The typical restaurant has multiple TVs and a radio running, and at home, we’re generally playing music, podcasts, movies, shows, or YouTube videos, talking on the phone, or all of the above. But silence is necessary for contemplation, which is necessary for human flourishing.

Sociologist and MIT professor Sherry Turkle, in her book “Reclaiming Conversation,” explains that we require silence and solitude if we are to come to know ourselves and the world.

“You need not leave your room,“ she writes. ”Remain sitting at your table and listen. You need not even listen, simply wait, just learn to become quiet, and still, and solitary. The world will freely offer itself to you to be unmasked.”

When we’re bombarded by constant noise and activity, it’s difficult to let our minds wander, yet this is exactly what we need to learn how to do again, according to Ms. Turkle.

“When we let our minds wander, we set our brains free,“ she writes. ”Our brains are most productive when there is no demand that they be reactive.”

Deep insights, self-knowledge, and peace can come only from some degree of silence and mental “wandering.”

Cultivate True Conversation With Loved Ones

Although it’s important to spend time alone, in silence, it’s also important to participate in conversation. And not just small talk or chatter about practical things such as money or scheduling, but also real, deep, inspiring, conversation about things that matter: your hopes, successes, and failures, as well as the permanent questions about the universe that humanity has always contemplated.

In “Reclaiming Conversation,” Ms. Turkle explains that solitude and conversation go hand in hand because self-reflection provides the necessary fodder for real, substantial conversation, which, in turn, can deepen our understanding of ourselves and our world and fuel further quiet reflection.

On the other hand, when we’re too distracted by noise and commotion, neither fruitful solitude nor fruitful conversation occurs.

Ms. Turkle writes, “The real emergency may be parents and children not having conversations or sharing a silence between them that gives each the time to bring up a funny story or a troubling thought.”

Such moments, which spark real conversations, are also opportunities for profound bonding, not just between parents and children but between any people who care for one another.

Cook From Scratch

As I detailed in my previous article on the topic, slow living began as a food movement in Italy. Its founders resisted the introduction of fast food into Italian culture. They wanted to retain the traditional culinary practices of their home, which included healthy, home-cooked food and a slow, leisurely pace of eating, during which those present are nourished as much by laughter, camaraderie, and conversation as they are by the wholesome food in front of them.

The time it takes to prepare a meal from scratch forces us to slow down and both consider and appreciate the processes that went into the creation of the food we’re consuming. We become more cognizant of the biological, agricultural, and economic forces at work in sustaining our lives—all of which are, generally, if done right, slow-moving. We’re also more likely to take our time and savor something we cooked ourselves (or even grew ourselves) than we are a frozen dinner manufactured far away by someone else. And this savoring also allows more time for the rich conversation outlined above.

From my research and experience, there doesn’t appear to be a single, all-encompassing definition of slow living or a single set of steps to achieve it. Everyone’s circumstances and temperament will be different. But I hope these suggestions help communicate the principles of greater calm and conscientiousness that can be applied in any situation. At the very least, I hope they have sparked some ideas of your own and—better yet—some conversation with those you love.