The literary genius of Jane Austen lies not in lyrical descriptions or epic, sprawling plots, but in her keen observations of human nature. Her study of character and relationships—romantic relationships in particular—place her among the top echelon of writers in the English language. We can learn a lot about the human condition and society from her novels. The novels’ everyday settings make their lessons especially accessible and relevant.
Be Careful of First Impressions
The novel’s title alone informs reveals that it’s concerned with the ways we judge each other on first appearance, and how those judgements can be wildly incorrect. The novel’s heroine, Elizabeth Bennet, is generally a good judge of character. However, her keen powers of observation and her record of correct judgements makes her very confident in her opinions even when—occasionally—she’s mistaken.When she first meets the somber Mr. Darcy, she immediately pegs him as a proud and aloof man with a “propensity to hate everybody.” Now, there’s some justice to her judgement of Darcy; Darcy does have faults he needs to correct: He insults her at their first acquaintance. However, Elizabeth’s rapid assessment is far from capturing the whole picture and doesn’t accurately mirror a man who’s very noble at heart.
Not long after meeting Darcy, Elizabeth meets Mr. Wickham, a far more charming young man, and her impression of him is diametrically opposed to her impression of Darcy. She finds him delightful, intelligent, warm, and attractive. Because of this initial favorable impression of the one and unfavorable impression of the other, Elizabeth is predisposed to believe Wickham when he begins throwing accusations at Darcy and casting blots on his character.
But as fans of the novel know well, Wickham’s account of Darcy turns out to be dishonest. Wickham’s appearance of grace, good manners, and gentlemanly behavior turns out to be a façade covering a debauched and degenerate life. Moreover, Wickham uses this mask of virtue to win everyone’s trust and eventually take advantage of Elizabeth’s younger sister.
Friendship Above Disagreements
Failing to see eye-to-eye with someone you care about can be one of the most challenging experiences in any type of relationship. This becomes especially difficult when the disagreement concerns an important matter—such as the nature of a happy life and happy marriage.
That’s the point of disagreement between Elizabeth Bennett and her friend Charlotte Lucas in the novel. Elizabeth believes that a happy marriage ensues from marrying someone you love who possesses virtue—and hopefully a stable social and financial position. Charlotte’s view is more pragmatic. She puts financial stability first. She sees marriage as the only path to a stable, comfortable life, given the economic and social situation of women in her world.
Austen wrote of her, “Without thinking highly either of men or of matrimony, marriage had always been her object: it was the only honourable provision for well-educated young women of small fortune, and, however uncertain of giving happiness, must be their pleasantest preservative from want.”
Charlotte is no romantic—for her, marriage isn’t likely to induce happiness in itself, no matter whom she marries. Instead, it’s a way to avoid the destitution and the uncertainty of life as an old maid in a society where property passed through the hands of men. In Charlotte’s own words, “Happiness in marriage is entirely a matter of chance.” Charlotte believes that the character of one’s spouse had little to do with the success of the marriage.
True to her philosophy, Charlotte, seven years older than Elizabeth, gets married for the sake of financial stability—to a foolish and obnoxious man named Mr. Collins. The marriage surprises Elizabeth, and she worries about her friend’s future. “She had always felt that Charlotte’s opinion of matrimony was not exactly like her own; but she could not have supposed it possible that, when called into action, she would have sacrificed every better feeling to worldly advantage. Charlotte, the wife of Mr. Collins, was a most humiliating picture! And to the pang of a friend disgracing herself, and sunk in her esteem, was added the distressing conviction that it was impossible for that friend to be tolerably happy in the lot she had chosen.”
Nevertheless, Elizabeth doesn’t give Charlotte unsolicited advice or sharp remonstrances, nor does she break off the friendship. She continues to visit Charlotte after her marriage and tries to promote her happiness and welfare. In this, she is an example of a faithful friend. A strong friendship can endure even when significant differences of opinion emerge, or when we don’t approve of our friend’s choices.
Successful Relationships Require Effort
In addition to providing examples of successful friendships, Austen also depicts failed friendships in the novel. One such case is the friendship between two spouses, which makes its failure even more tragic: the relationship between Elizabeth’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. Bennet.Here, Austen presents a marriage that—though unbroken—falls far short of what a marriage should be. Having made a somewhat rash choice of spouse, Mr. Bennet quickly discovered how little he and his wife really had in common. “[Elizabeth’s] father, captivated by youth and beauty, and that appearance of good-humour which youth and beauty generally give, had married a woman whose weak understanding and illiberal mind had very early in their marriage put an end to all real affection for her. Respect, esteem, and confidence had vanished for ever; and all his views of domestic happiness were overthrown.”
To deal with the situation, the sardonic Mr. Bennet turns to teasing his wife and entertaining himself with her antics. “To his wife he was very little otherwise indebted than as her ignorance and folly had contributed to his amusement. This is not the sort of happiness which a man would in general wish to owe to his wife.”
We can understand Mr. Bennet’s reaction to his wife. He’s more patient with her self-centeredness and superficiality than many men would be. But ultimately his response to his marriage’s challenges is to give up on having a meaningful relationship with his wife. He doesn’t see any depth in her, but he doesn’t seem to look very hard for it, either. Their relationship devolves to mutual toleration, punctuated by moments of sly amusement on his part and befuddled frustration on hers. But by giving up on the relationship, Mr. Bennet has assured its gradual, continued decline.
This lesson can be applied to friendships, too. A successful friendship, like a successful marriage, requires continued effort to understand, appreciate, and help one another.
To be sure, there are times when a friendship needs to end. However, a complete refusal to put effort into a relationship—a refusal to work through obstacles, misunderstandings, or wounds—can lead to the premature demise of a friendship that still has a lot of potential. In many cases, the cornerstone for a strong relationship is the amount of effort both parties put into it.
Jane Austen’s delightful novel “Pride and Prejudice” depicts truths about many types of relationships and friendships, both within and outside of marriage. Though the book is light-hearted and witty, we misjudge it if we think this means it has nothing to say beyond romance.
