Parenting is a wild ride—a learn as you go, call ‘em like you see ‘em, on the job training situation. All parents can use a dose of inspiration or, perhaps even more, a good laugh. Here are some quotes to satisfy both.
“Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children; not I have six children and no theories.”
—John Wilmot, Earl of Roschester
“If you’ve never been hated by a child, you’ve never been a parent.”
—Bette Davis
“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.”
—Benjamin Spock
“The quickest way for a parent to get a child’s attention is to sit down and look comfortable.”
—Lane Olinghouse
“A baby changes your dinner party conversation from politics to poops.”
—Maurice Johnston
“The biggest thing I remember is that there was just no transition. You hit the ground diapering.
—Paul Reiser
“Never do for a child what he is capable of doing for himself.”
—Elizabeth Hainstock
“Buying your kid a goldfish is a great way to teach them responsibility for 24-36 hours.”
—Conan O’Brien
“You know what it’s like having a fourth kid? Imagine you’re drowning, then someone hands you a baby.”
—Jim Gaffigan
“Children spell love… T-I-M-E.”
—Dr. A. Witham
“If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands?”
—Milton Berle
“A 2-year-old is like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.”
—Jerry Seinfeld
“When a man dies, if he can pass enthusiasm along to his children, he has left them an estate of incalculable value.”
—Thomas Edison
“Your children will become what you are; so be what you want them to be.”
—David Bly
“The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”
—Theodore Hesburgh
“The family is one of nature’s masterpieces.”
—George Santayana
