Book Review: ‘How to Grieve: An Ancient Guide to the Lost Art of Consolation’

Cicero’s perspective on how to grieve and view death

"Marcus Tullius Cicero," 1790, by William Blake. Art Renewal Center

When it comes to grieving, consolation is often best received from someone who has dealt with grief before. They bring experience (unfortunately, it takes misfortune to receive such experience) and provide wisdom in how to deal with heartache and tragedy.

In one of the recent editions from Princeton University Press’s ongoing series, “Ancient Wisdom for Modern Readers,” the ancient wisdom comes from the great Roman statesman and writer Marcus Tullius Cicero. In “How to Grieve: An Ancient Guide to the Lost Art of Consolation,” readers are shown insight into how to properly grieve and how to think about death, tragedy, and other misfortunes.

To begin, Michael Fontaine, the translator of the classic work “Consolation,” discusses how the original was primarily written in response to the untimely death of Cicero’s daughter, Tullia. More importantly, in the introduction, he discusses how the work he has translated is actually not Cicero’s at all, but was rather built upon the idea of Cicero’s lost work, which was lost around the fourth century.

This translation is based off of the work that arose suddenly in 1583 and had its authenticity debated for centuries. Although it was eventually concluded that it was not authentic, this doesn’t mean that the spirit of Cicero is not part of the work; indeed, it is.

As Fontaine states, “Not all fakes are fakes in the same way. This fake [“Consolation”] is not a fabrication, but a recreation.” The work utilized the remaining fragments from the original and the entire work has a style that is “highly Ciceronian.” For all intents and purposes, this is Cicero at work, as it was so expertly researched and written.

The Message

The message from Cicero is that death is a gift. In fact, he claims it to be the greatest gift. He admits how difficult it was to attain that perspective after the loss of his daughter. He had studied the Stoics extensively, but until his daughter died, those philosophies had not sunk in.

Through this work, he encourages the reader to see death as a kindness and accept it unquestioningly as part of life. In a phrase, he suggests that the only two things that are certain are death and that life is uncertain.

Cicero issues a warning about excessive grieving. He compares excessive and long-term grieving to slavery because it practically incapacitates a person. He warns about losing one’s dignity and character during times of grief. He writes that “nothing is more unbecoming and unmanly than exaggerated grief.”

For readers who have or have yet to experience intense grief, this stoic perspective may be too harsh, and in some ways it is. In fact, Cicero writes “since it’s my wound I’m healing, those who pick this book up shouldn’t be surprised if anything strikes them as a little overwrought. That was my plan. I want to help myself and everyone else simultaneously. To the extent I can, I also aim to offer comprehensive consolation for everyone’s grief.”

Cicero lists many Roman and non-Roman men and women who exemplified fortitude during grief. He states the specific tragedy and how that individual responded to the tragedy in the immediate and over time.

As the book continues, the author seems to rein in some of the harshness by striking a balance between grieving and stoicism. He states that it would be “unnatural and inhuman” to feel no grief at all, but follows by stating that to “overindulge in grief” is to reject our “universal condition”―that being death itself.

The Bliss of Death

The ultimate message Cicero seems to send is that death is a favor for all mankind because it eliminates our suffering. The worries and concerns, the pains and heartaches, and (as mentioned from some of his examples) the falls from grace can all be ended with death. He adds that there is often a price to be paid for living too long, a price that he himself was quite familiar with, as he had suffered exile, the death of his daughter, the demise of the Republic, and ultimately (though obviously not mentioned in the book) his murder by Mark Antony.

The author doesn’t suggest that all will have a gleeful time once they have been removed from this life. That heavenly hope is reserved for the righteous and the good. The wicked, however, have hell to look forward to. Cicero discusses the immortal soul as the obvious reason for the heavenly hope. Death is not the end; it is merely the end of suffering.

Regarding heaven, Cicero goes further to discuss the deification of those righteous, even Romulus, the founder of Rome (though this somewhat calls into question his definition of righteous). He lists others who have been deified because of their goodness, and in the end adds his daughter to that saintly list.

"How to Grieve: An Ancient Guide to the Art of Consolation" gives insight into how to properly grieve and how to think about death, tragedy, and other misfortunes. Princeton University Press

An Interesting Perspective on Grief

In the modern world, Stoicism is a lost art, especially in the face of tragedy. There is plenty in this work that readers will disagree with, whether on emotional or spiritual and religious grounds, but it is interesting to see how Cicero dealt with his own grief, and as the translator makes clear, “Consolation” is a work of Cicero’s thinking and belief system.

“How to Grieve” is an interesting read on death, grief, and how one might adjust their view on all of it, or at least how they respond to it.

‘How to Grieve: An Ancient Guide to the Lost Art of Consolation’ By Marcus Tullius Cicero, translated by Michael Fontaine Princeton University Press, Oct. 18, 2022 Hardcover: 264 pages