What does it mean to be human? There are many features that differentiate our species. We build skyscrapers, pray, make art, read books, and drive cars, just to name a few.
Then there are the more complex features of the human experience, such as our exceptionally high level of self-awareness, our ability to imagine our lives at various points in the future, and our capacity to ponder our eventual death.
Humanity is a word that describes the human collective, but it also signifies something greater. Humans wear pants and carry keys, but humanity encompasses grand virtues such as compassion, kindness, and morality. It’s the quality of being humane, and having a generous disposition toward other people and living beings.
“Virtues are very much relevant to being a good human. Especially virtues of care and concern, thoughtfulness, generosity, helpfulness, compassion, and empathy,” Kesebir said.
Without a sense of humanity, we think only of ourselves, and everyone suffers as a result. The most severe damage comes from extreme examples of selfishness—think corruption or rape. But Kesebir says even those who simply spend too much time ruminating about themselves can end up hurting themselves.
“We have a lot of data that a lot of self-focus is associated with poor mental health,” she said, noting that many psychological disorders, including depression, can be described as self-absorbed states.
“I’m not saying that to blame depressed people. But what we see is [that] an incredibly narrow self-focus and self-absorption are associated with very poor psychological outcomes.”
To be human is to suffer, and throughout mankind’s history, humanity has been a reliable means to alleviate much of the agony we must endure. Think about how much it means when someone offers a smile or a kind word on a bad day.
Some envision a time when we can finally do away with human suffering. A concept known as transhumanism supposes that with enough technological upgrades and genetic alterations made to our bodies, humans may no longer suffer disease, pain, old age, and perhaps transcend death. In this transhumanist wonderworld, our organs and limbs can be easily replaced and improved. Or you can simply upload your consciousness into a better body.
But Kesebir doesn’t see transhumanism advancing the human condition. She says our ability to feel pain and frailty is linked to our human capacity for compassion.
“Obviously, we want to make the world a place where we prevent unnecessary suffering. But just by the nature of life being what it is, there will always be some suffering,” she said. “One of the things that makes us human is pain. It’s almost impossible to imagine being human without feeling pain.”
Another feature of the human spirit is our deep hunger for meaning. A traumatic experience can spur us to spend years trying to figure out why it happened. While this effort may not deliver ultimate understanding, it can bring us insight. Meaning can also come from moments of joy, and from the people who touch our lives along the way.
It’s the people who mean the most to us who often have the greatest potential to make us suffer. These are the people whose futures you worry about, and people who can really get on your nerves.
According to existentialist author Jean-Paul Sartre, “Hell is other people,” but Kesebir says research actually shows the opposite. We need others, and we yearn to be needed.
Losing Our Humanity
You remain human throughout your life. But your hold on humanity, that kind and giving nature, is much more fragile. You have to maintain it—or it disappears.“I see my students defining themselves by their depression, anxiety, anger, and impulsiveness. They’re feeling lost and having no answers. Who would they be if they didn’t have those emotional triggers and problems? You’ve got to have a belief system that ‘I am something more,’” Feravich said.
Social critics have noted a dwindling of humanity in society for generations, and have proposed a variety of causes behind it. One common reason is that people don’t see a worthy subject to give their humanity to. For whatever reason, we see the complicated, suffering person before us as less than human.
Feravich says a lot of this mentality stems from the arena of science. She applauds the scientific method (one of the courses she teaches is study design), but she’s disgusted with researchers who dehumanize their subjects. The Tuskegee Experiment is a classic example, as well as the studies Nazis conducted on Jewish prisoners.
“They would break their bones. See how long they would take to heal, and then break them again in the same spot. They deformed people purposefully to see what would happen,” Feravich said.
“Kinsey was saying, ‘There is nothing wrong with our sexual impulses, because we are at heart animals.’ He said, ‘If you want to have sex with children, they will not experience trauma afterward. They'll forget about it. The only reason why they do experience trauma is because we as adults put that on them,”’ Feravich said.
Preserving Humanity
In the past, the church ensured a culture of virtue. But this institution no longer has such an influence. Today, it all depends on our collective daily efforts to sustain humanity.According to Feravich, belief in a higher power is the best way to preserve our humanity. It lends a sense of perspective beyond the mere mortal plane of existence, connecting us to a larger source of compassion. However, simply by putting our efforts into helping others, we can rise above.
“We think our solution is to be self-absorbed. But it has to be a conscious effort, a moral choice, to go outside of ourselves for somebody else. And that, really, psychologically speaking, that’s where you get meaning and purpose,” Feravich said.
“Giving is better than receiving. This has been demonstrated time and time again. But we think, ‘Oh, I’m anxious and depressed, I need more me time,” Feravich said. “Then why are we so stinking bored? Why are we so lost, and searching, searching, searching?”
For Kesebir, a spirit of gratitude helps preserve humanity, while being entitled erodes it. She mentions several studies and papers that show that being entitled disposes you to be unhappy in a variety of ways because you’re constantly setting yourself up for disappointment. You’re conditioned to always expect more from people than is reasonable, so you have poor relationships, and you create antagonism.
“In gratitude, you are incredibly thankful for what you have, and with entitlement, you’re always looking for what you don’t have,” Kesebir said. “The grateful person has a sense of abundance and always feels that what they have is sufficient to make them happy. For the entitled person, it’s never enough. There never comes a point where the selfish, entitled person says, ‘Now I have all that I need, and from now on I’m going to be happy.’ No, it’s constant dissatisfaction. Constant restlessness inside.”
