After reviewing several new books on parenting in our present culture, Frey first addresses the reasons why young couples are no longer choosing to have children. Citing statistics that show that only 26 percent of Americans say having children is important for living a fulfilling life, compared with 71 percent who would choose having a job or career they enjoy and 61 percent saying close friends will bring fulfillment, she triggers an alarm for our nation’s future.
The result is that our nation’s current fertility rate stands at 1.62 births per woman, well below replacement level, a factor that causes ever-increasing pressure on programs such as Social Security, Medicare, and pensions, with not enough people paying into the system to cover the expenditures going out.
Frey writes: “Even those who do not want to remain childless are putting off parenting. Millennial women are often in their mid-to-late-30s before they feel ready to be mothers—but by that time they are already well past their peak fertile years. Their anxiety over their ‘readiness’ leads to delays that become de facto decisions: Children never appear before the clock runs out.”
This anxiety is caused by concerns about providing their children with a high standard of living, about losing their perceived freedom, or that they might have to sacrifice their careers. This final reason corresponds with the 71 percent of Americans saying career—and not family—is where they find personal fulfillment.
There are women who are choosing not to focus on career or wait until all their proverbial ducks are in a row to have children and are deciding to have large families—five or more children—instead. These women are rejecting temporal things that might bring temporary fulfillment—such as autonomy and career—for something that will last long after their days on earth are done.
And, not surprisingly, many of these women are religious, meaning they have faith and purpose in life beyond the perceived pleasures of the world.
That faith and purpose is what will propel our nation out of a financial and cultural death spiral and right the ship regarding the value we place on children and family.
These men also need to live for something beyond just themselves.
Frey, who is a mother of six, puts it best when she concludes: “The question of parenthood cannot be separated from the question of human flourishing. If we value autonomy above all else, and we understand freedom as the maximization of our options, then spending a life sacrificing for our children will seem like a very bad bet. ... Marriage and parenthood are leaps of faith that require individuals to go from thinking and choosing for ‘me’ to thinking and choosing for ‘we.’”
If we, as a culture, reject the former and embrace the latter—selfishness versus selflessness—we will be able to turn the tide and reverse the catastrophic course that we find ourselves on. We will once again become a nation that values bringing new life into the world, rather than seeing it as a harm or an inconvenience.
The result will be regaining purpose in our lives as we look beyond ourselves. That is a prescription for avoiding the death knell we face if we do not change course soon.
