For a Lifetime of Happiness, Two Is Better Than One

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Commentary

Maggie Gallagher has written, “Something about marriage as a social institution—a shared aspiration and a public, legal vow—gives wedlock the power to change individuals’ lives.”

Those words came to mind as I read a recent article summarizing a new study from the University of Chicago that looked at who’s “happy” and “unhappy” in our nation. The results were quite illuminating.

The No. 1 factor for personal happiness? Marriage.

Sam Peltzman, author of the study, wrote, “Marital status is and has been a very important marker for happiness. ... The happiness landslide comes entirely from the married. Low happiness characterizes all types of non-married. No subsequent population categorization will yield so large a difference in happiness across so many people.”

The study found a 30-point difference between married and unmarried men and women when it came to being happy or unhappy.

Mr. Peltzman wrote, “The recent decline in the married share of adults can explain (statistically) most of the decline in personal happiness.”

Thus, in a society that’s so focused on personal happiness or “fulfillment,” you would think young adults would be running to the altar. But they aren’t.

A survey done last year by the wedding website The Knot found that the average age of men and women getting married is now 32 and 30, respectively. And another recent study found that 25 percent of adults older than the age of 40 have never been married.

In addition, University of Virginia professor Brad Wilcox has found that 75 percent of adults between the ages of 18 and 40 said making a good living was critical to feeling “fulfilled” in life, compared to only 32 percent who thought marriage was critical to “fulfillment.”

Others keep waiting for the perfect “prince” or “princess,” because we’ve become a society that has come to value external attributes instead of internal ones—despite the fact that external attributes fade over time, while internal attributes don’t.

A friend of mine who, along with his wife, spends significant time counseling young adults, both male and female, attests to the unhappiness and despair that many singles experience, especially when they cross the “30 threshold.” Some prioritize their careers over marriage, under the guise that they want to make sure, as they say, “all their ducks are in a row” or that they find the “perfect soulmate” or “most attractive person” before they consider marriage.

Many of these men and women now face a “shrinking pond” of prospects and feel an increasing despair that they may never find “Mr. Right” or “Miss Right,” dooming them to a life of loneliness rather than experiencing the social benefits of love, community, and family that marriage brings. They now regret the decisions they’ve made but realize they can’t turn back the clock, which sounds like Big Ben on a foggy London night as they age.

So they look to other things besides a marriage relationship—whether it be money or travel—to fill the hole they feel—activities that isolate them from the community rather than build community—both inside and outside the home.

As Dan Edmunds, diplomate of the American Psychotherapy Association, has written, “One of the most destructive problems is the breakdown of community, and it is this breakdown that has led to the breakdown of persons. Though we may put many around us, we are alone.”

The problem of personal happiness is most acute, as many surveys have pointed out, among lower-income and less-educated populations that don’t have the personal resources to, at the very least, “wallpaper” over the problem of personal unhappiness through ample financial resources or a good career.

Instead, we’ve seen these communities turn to alcohol, opioids, and other addictions to deaden their internal pain—with devastating results, not only for them personally but for our society.

As a society, we need to reemphasize marriage over external pursuits. David Brooks, writing in The New York Times, perhaps put it best when he said, “My strong advice is to obsess less about your career and to think a lot more about marriage.”

I can’t agree more. A society that places value on marriage over career and commitment over personal autonomy will be a healthier and happier society—even if our “ducks aren’t in a row” or the absolute “perfect” person, in our view, hasn’t come our way. It’s time we reorient our priorities back to elevating the bonds of marriage—and the personal benefits that result—over elevating things that isolate us and leave a gaping hole in our hearts.

Views expressed in this article are opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times.