One of the great losses suffered by our society is the great lie that has been perpetuated, starting with the sexual revolution of the 1960s, that couples who live together have a much greater chance of marital success.
But as the study discovered, when it comes to cohabitation before marriage, it might be more beneficial for these couples to say “We don’t” instead.
While this isn’t the first study to show that cohabitation before marriage actually increases the risk of divorce, it confirms what other studies have previously found but academia—and much of our culture—has chosen to ignore.
This latest study used a national sample of Americans who got married for the first time between the years of 2010 and 2019 and how the marriages of those who cohabitated beforehand turned out. The researchers found that 34 percent of marriages involving cohabitating couples were likely to end in divorce, compared to 23 percent of those who didn’t move in together until they were engaged or married. Overall, cohabitating couples were 48 percent more likely to see their marriages end than those who were engaged or married before they started living together.
I think there’s a logical explanation for this. Couples who wait to live together until they’re married (or at the very least engaged) are likely to have a higher respect for the institution of marriage and have some form of religious faith that provides moral boundaries.
But unfortunately, like so many other things that used to be wrong, cohabitation before marriage has now become “right” in the world’s eyes.
Marriage became an arrangement, as Wilson wrote, something to pursue if a couple feels like it, rather than a sacrament solidifying their commitment to each other before God. Cohabitation requires no such commitment and is just seen as a stage—either temporary or permanent—where either party can “opt-out” if and when they choose to.
It’s an arrangement with a foundation built on one’s “personal happiness” at the moment, rather than a foundation in which a couple vows to remain together through good times or bad, through sickness and health, until “death do them part.”
Marriage is also the biggest decision that a person makes in their life. It’s the one decision someone had better get right because if they get it wrong, it not only has consequences for them and their spouse but also for any children who are involved as well. No other decision has such significant repercussions.
This is another area where cohabitation falls short, for as the researchers said, they believe that people move in together to test a relationship because they have concerns about their relationship already and need to “test” things out.
The very fact that someone enters into this most important of decisions with concerns or needing to “test” the relationship is a red flag, as it indicates that they’re already looking for an “escape clause” if things don’t turn out the way they desire.
To tie this back to the issue of faith, it’s faith that provides an individual with peace about the decision of marriage, because they have prayerfully thought through their relationship rather than just wanting to “test drive” it to make sure that it’s a good investment. It’s faith that also puts the needs of others before our own, and it’s faith that provides the perseverance to keep a marriage together when troubles arise. Cohabitation offers no such foundation or assurance.
If we want strong marriages that will go the distance, perhaps it’s time for us, as a culture, to begin looking at it again as a sacrament instead of an arrangement—and as such, wait until the relationship has been signed and sealed before God in marriage before moving in together. It’s time to reject the lie that cohabitation equals marital success and embrace the truth of the former understanding that marriages are the beginning—and not just a continuation—of a life living together that will be better for all involved.
