I Loved the War More Than I Loved ... You.

Soldiers from the 2nd Brigade Combat Team, 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault), depart a bus and walk toward a C-17 transport Passenger Transit Center at MK Air Base as a transition point on their way in and out of the U.S. Central Command area of operations. Staff Sgt. Warren W. Wright Jr., U.S. Army

Commentary

I never really loved anything growing up. When I raised my right hand, I knew I loved America, July 4th was my favorite holiday, and I wanted to make a difference. I had no clue what I signed up for. The next thing I know I’m stepping off a plane for my first deployment and I have my first mission. I was in love.

For the next few years, I fell in love with the job. I fell in love with deploying every time I was “healthy” and going on every TDY (temporary duty) there was to go to. I was in love with the missions. I loved it. Every time I was home, I wished I was gone. They needed someone; I was their guy. No task was too small and no task was too big. I signed up for all of them. Then, I went back to Iraq, and it was what I thought at the time was my worst deployment. But it was still a deployment. I still loved every minute of it.

That very next weekend after coming back, I met you. I was hooked right away. From then on, we were inseparable, and I had a new love. I went on a few TDYs, and you even flew out to meet me at the completion. I found a new purpose and a new love, being with you, even though I wasn’t the best at showing it.

Lance Cpl. Averi Rowton, U.S. Marine Corps

I was “healthy” to deploy, and they needed someone, so they asked me. But I didn’t ask you. I said “yes” because deploying was what I loved to do. It was all I knew before you. It was my original purpose in life. Fighting the fight, protecting our allies and partners. But you promised to stick by me. I began to love the fight more than I loved you, falling back into my old ways.

This deployment was rough. I distanced myself, shut down my feelings, and only worried about myself because it was all I had ever known. Naturally, this wasn’t fair to you, and you did what you had to do. You broke up with me. I had no idea what to do. At work, I had always been someone they could count on. I let my team down on a mission shortly thereafter. I had no clue how to keep moving.

I started counting the days until I returned home which I had never done before, hoping I could revive us. But, when I got back, I heard nothing from you. Deploying was my only love until I met you. Now, I resent my job, have no love, and can’t wait to get out.

Getting out will make it better, right?

This article was first published in The Havok Journal.

The appearance of U.S. Department of Defense (DoD) visual information does not imply or constitute DoD endorsement.