Commentary
Servicemembers sacrifice more than enough for our country. This truth is recognized through the Veterans Affairs Department, Veterans Day, certain discounts, movies, books, and the list continues to grow. From what I’ve seen growing up as an Army brat, when the servicemember has a spouse and children, these children are ultimately raised by two different types of “servicemembers.”
I say this because I consider my mom as her own respective type of servicemember. Why? Because she sacrificed an amount I still am not able to fully grasp in order to raise three children. My most prominent memories of this were when we lived in Fort Irwin, California, 15 years ago. I was 4 years old, my brother was 6, and my sister was 8. I don’t remember much of my dad, but all I know is that he was deployed a lot while we were in California. What I do remember is my mom being there as the focal point for our family.
Not only that, but I even saw as a 4-year-old how much she sacrificed for me and my siblings, which became more apparent as I grew older. She homeschooled my sister when she saw the local school undermining her education. She fought for my brother to get accommodations for his learning disability, which took years to get. And lastly, she encouraged me to graduate high school early during the COVID-19 pandemic because she saw how much it was wasting my time.
For all three of us, she dedicated countless hours, time, and energy to raising us and also investing in our futures by ensuring that we received quality education. During all of this, she had her gallbladder removed, had shoulder surgery, and was told by a doctor that her rheumatoid arthritis would prevent her from walking by the time she reached her 40s.
Needless to say, she’s walking just fine, teaches yoga, and is a physical therapist assistant. She told me that what motivated her to prove that doctor wrong was her children and wanting to be able to raise us. My mom said she was struggling to get up after playing with me as a baby because of her arthritis and wanted to be as present as possible when we grew up. That hit me so hard to hear because it perfectly highlights how intrinsically motivated my mom was to be there for us. She saw it not as her job but as her duty, and she wasn’t going to let anything get in the way of that.
In seeing how my mom raised my siblings and the sacrifices she made, I either adopted a lot of her mannerisms or learned a few lessons along the way. While my mom worked hard to be a good mother, she always worked hard professionally, too. She was a certified ophthalmic technician (COT) when my older sister was little but had to make the choice to stop working after she had my brother and focus on raising the two of them. Even though I was born and she stopped being a COT, she found work starting her own business, cleaning houses for military families who were PCSing (PCS: permanent change of station), which gave her the flexibility she needed to raise us. I vividly remember going with her to clean houses and being able to watch their TVs with different movies I couldn’t watch at our own house (I’m looking at you Madagascar 2).
Over time, wherever we moved, my mom had the skill of being able to plant herself and grow beautifully in whatever environment the military put us in. She did this as a yoga instructor most notably and particularly fell in love with healing others through the practice, just as it helped with her arthritis.
As I and my siblings got older, she was able to slowly chip away at college courses to get into a physical therapy assistant program. It was a 10-year goal in the making, and she did it. Why did it take her so long? Because she was a military spouse and a mother first. But she didn’t give up her personal goals, either, no matter how long it took to achieve them. I respect her so much for it. It taught me that you can sacrifice a great deal for the greater good—which in this case, was her children—while still making time to improve yourself and grow as a person.
Because of my mom, I’ve taken the same sentiment to heart. Family and personal relationships will always be a priority for me. But after seeing what my mom achieved and what a person is capable of through her example, I'll never lose sight of my personal goals and aspirations. She’s the epitome of balance, with which you don’t have to choose one over the other or place one above another. The two can live side by side, creating a pattern of fulfillment. While growing up, however, I did witness times when there were struggles in finding that balance. I saw her overwork herself and also prioritize us to the point that her own needs were set aside. But I can say confidently now that she has learned through experience to balance it.
I’m grateful to have learned through her example, not just as a mother or a military spouse but as someone who cares about both her family’s success and her own success.
I love you, Mom.
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