How to Be a Good Neighbor

To create a strong and supportive community, build connections fortified with kindness, etiquette instructor Bethany Friske says.
How to Be a Good Neighbor
Biba Kayewich for American Essence
Annie Holmquist
Updated:
0:00

The house, yard, and white picket fence have become symbols of the classic American dream. Yet it is the people beyond that fence who weave the threads of community that make for a strong American culture. And if we’re going to save American culture, we need to revive the neighborly relations that many of us may have neglected. Etiquette instructor Bethany Friske shares a few tips.

(Bethany Friske)
Bethany Friske

Cover Your Daily Deeds

Being a good neighbor starts with the little things: smiling and waving at others. Be respectful of your neighbor’s space and keep your own property tidy, because “taking ownership of what you have [shows] respect to other people,” Ms. Friske says. Make sure “you’re not a frustration in any way to a neighbor.”
(Biba Kayewich for American Essence)
Biba Kayewich for American Essence

(Biba Kayewich for American Essence)
Biba Kayewich for American Essence

(Biba Kayewich for American Essence)
Biba Kayewich for American Essence

Nip Gossip in the Bud

Some neighbors may like to stick their noses in other people’s business, leading to potentially awkward situations. If a neighbor shares “unnecessary gossip” about another neighbor with you, a gracious way to escape this scenario is to turn it around with a question, Ms. Friske says, such as, “Oh, is that from the source?” or “How can we help that person?”
(Biba Kayewich for American Essence)
Biba Kayewich for American Essence

Meet and Greet

Don’t know your neighbors? “Start a Bible study or a book study for your neighborhood,” Ms. Friske suggests, or host regular gatherings. Making your home and yard the neighborhood hub enables you to connect others, while also cultivating your own friendships.
(Biba Kayewich for American Essence)
Biba Kayewich for American Essence

Quiet Quarrels With Kindness

To avoid neighborly quarrels, communication is key. Let your neighbors know what to expect if you’re having a party bringing lots of traffic to the neighborhood. If the shoe is on the other foot and your neighbor’s music is too loud or his dog does his business in your yard, “talk to [him] personally before you go and call the association or the police,” Ms. Friske advises.

When tempers flare, give your neighbor the benefit of the doubt. “Usually people who are angry—there’s a deeper issue, and it comes out on you,” Ms. Friske says. “A soft answer can often make a situation subside.” As an example, she cites her father, who, in a property line dispute, remained kind, kept calm, and suggested a surveyor. He also refrained from rubbing it in when his neighbor proved incorrect.

This article was originally published in American Essence magazine.
Annie Holmquist
Annie Holmquist
Author
Annie Holmquist is a cultural commentator hailing from America's heartland who loves classic books, architecture, music, and values. Her writings can be found at Annie’s Attic on Substack.
Related Topics