A Third of Canadian Couples Fight About Money, but Here Are 4 Steps to Financial Peace

A special Valentine's Day report from the BMO Real Financial Progress Index reveals that spending is a source of conflict for one-third of Canadian couples. Shutterstock

More than one-third of Canadian couples fight about finances, but the majority see eye-to-eye about monetary goals, a special Valentine’s Day report from the Bank of Montreal (BMO) has found.

The BMO Real Financial Progress report says that the majority of Canadian couples—82 percent—are compatible in their financial goals. More than two-thirds of couples also said they share equal responsibility for initiating discussion about household finances and setting goals for their family.

Differing opinions on finances is a source of conflict for some, however, the report found. Twenty-four percent admitted that different levels of income have “created tension” in their relationships and 36 percent say they are not always truthful with their partner about their finances.

The report also found that 32 percent of Canadians in romantic relationships fight about spending and 35 percent believe their significant other spends too much.

“Many couples continue to underestimate the emotional implications involved with money,” said Gayle Ramsay, BMO head of everyday banking and customer growth, in a press release. “This can lead to miscommunication, disappointment and conflict.”

Ms. Ramsay said understanding your partner’s financial goals, spending habits, existing debt and financial obligations are all part of a harmonious relationship.

“It is important to communicate your financial expectations early and frequently in order to build a financial future together,” she said.

Talking About Money

More than half of those surveyed by Ipsos on behalf of BMO agreed that talking about money with their significant other is important.

Ten percent said the conversations should occur after the first few dates and 41 percent said finances should be discussed when the relationship becomes official.

Nearly one-third believe financial conversations should happen when moving in together and 12 percent said they shouldn’t occur until one gets engaged or married.

The majority of those surveyed, 82 percent, said they’ve combined their finances with their partner, compared to the 18 percent who have not.

Just like behaviour related to personality can be a deal-breaker in a relationship, so too can financial attitudes or habits.

Forty-seven percent of those surveyed said they would be most concerned about their partner’s mortgage debt when evaluating finances. Thirty-eight percent said they’d be concerned about credit card debt while 33 percent would worry about their partner’s credit score.

A difference in income levels would be a concern for 26 percent of respondents.

Generational Differences

The survey discovered responses tended to vary from generation to generation. Gen Z couples (ages 18-24) were most likely to share equal responsibility for initiating conversations about household finances and setting a household budget.

However, they were also the generation that was most likely to lie to their partner about money, with 42 percent admitting to financial deceit. Younger Millennials—those aged 25 to 34—also copped to lying, with 32 percent saying they aren’t always honest about their finances.

Both age groups were also more likely to think their partner spends too much money.

“It is important to communicate your financial expectations early and frequently in order to build a financial future together,” Ms. Ramsay said, adding that “financial fidelity” is important.

The survey found that, in general, financial honesty grows with age. Those aged 65 and older were the most honest of all the generational groups with 77 percent saying they never lie about money.

How to Manage Money in Relationships

Getting on the same financial page with your partner is a matter of honest communication, diligent planning, setting shared priorities, and seeking help when needed, according to Marriage.com.

Here are four key strategies the site recommends to help eliminate financial fights from your relationship

1. Set Priorities

Financial disagreements can be sparked by an occasional spur of the moment purchase or ongoing bad habits. The key is to prioritize spending issues that could lead to long-term issues.

Discuss your priorities for your mortgage and insurance as well as for dealing with existing debt. It’s also important to plan for the future by discussing budgeting and retirement savings.

2. Set Aside Time to Talk

Scheduling a regular budgeting meeting can help you to stay on track as a couple and also helps you to avoid frequent squabbling over money-related issues.

This is a time to talk about staying on budget and paying off debt, but it can also be a time to talk about saving for something exciting like a home renovation or a vacation.

No matter what is being discussed, commit to being open and honest with each other and work together as a team to resolve any problems that pop up.

3. Planning Ahead

When it comes to household finances, winging it is unlikely to lead to a harmonious relationship. Planning is essential when it comes to income splitting and bill payments as well as joint and separate finance plans.

It’s important to divvy up expenses fairly. For some couples that might mean a 50-50 split but for other couples, it could mean a certain percentage of each income is used toward paying bills.

It’s important to agree on joint or separate bank accounts as well as how much each person will contribute to long-term savings and investments.

4. Seek Help When Needed

If you and your partner can’t agree on the best way forward with your finances, it might be time to consider seeking the services of a financial planner or coach that specializes in marriage finances. If financial fights are ruining your relationship, a financial therapist may be the answer. A therapist can help get to the bottom of what is causing the issues so you can discuss finances productively in the future.