It is easy to think that we are all reacting to the same events in the world and so should have similar responses. But that’s not how people work and not what happens in our brains. We do not have the capacity to capture all the information that is coming through our senses—what we see, hear, and feel. Instead, we pay attention to the information that is most relevant to us in our different lives and we use it to create an interpretation of what is happening in the world. In other words, we tell ourselves a story about what is happening and then react to our story. And each of us is a different author.
This provides some indication of why individuals react so differently to the same events. We each have different experiences and so are more likely to attend to different parts of the event. The bits we attend to, when put together, will make up a different story which will then drive our response to the situation.
Knowing that we are constructing our beliefs about the world based on our past experience, we can begin to think about what differences there might be that cause us to interpret recent events so differently. Here are some ways that this might happen.
One of the main functions of our brain is to notice opportunities that bring rewards and the pitfalls that might hurt us physically and mentally. We then decide what to do based on of the balance of our perceptions of possible rewards and punishments. But individuals weigh rewards and punishments differently. At the extremes, for some people the bright shiny opportunity is almost all that they see, and they don’t notice the potential pitfalls. For others, the pitfalls are so apparent that any potential reward is not noticed at all.
Consider how each of these groups might hear a government message about the lockdown. The group that sees only reward will notice the opportunity to get out into the country now that their work is closed and the sun is shining. They will not notice the pitfalls of potential damage to their own or other people’s health. The group that sees the pitfalls will be anxious about the possibility of catching COVID-19 and will want to protect themselves and their families by staying at home.
It is easy to see that, if you are not a people person, the idea of staying at home with your loved ones and not having to be sociable may actually be a relief. But to the extrovert this is a real trial, since they are cut off from one of their main sources of pleasure. While video calls or chat rooms might help to alleviate the problem, there will always be a craving for social contact.
For some people, work has just moved online and they are as busy as ever—if not busier. For others, their routine has been completely removed with nothing to replace it. It will be much easier for those who are busy and learning to manage their work in new ways to adhere to the new rules than those whose routine has been removed, who will be looking for new ways to fill their time.
Some people need certainty and like to feel as if they have some control over events, while others are happy to react to events and even find the prospect of a big shake-up exciting since it brings new opportunities. At the extremes, there will be very different stories told about current messages on preventing the spread of COVID-19.
Those who are intolerant of uncertainty and ambiguity will be looking for a clear and unambiguous message that communicates the right thing to do. They will find the different messages about whether it is safe to go out or not very unsettling and will be likely to err on the side of caution.
What Can We Do Differently?
There are many ways to react in this time of uncharted change. We will each make up our own story to fit our experience to date. No story is wholly right or wrong but that doesn’t make it any easier to understand each other.To help us all work together, remember that you have created your own reality and so has every other person on the planet. Be willing to be curious about their story and to reflect on why this might be different from yours. Better still, try considering what you really know about the current situation and use this information to create several different stories. You might begin to realize that they are all just one of many possible outcomes. Pick one that predicts a better, but realistic, future for you. It might help you manage in this uncertain time.
