By Brendan P. Keegan
Relationships are everything when it comes to providing an enjoyable customer or work experience that breeds trust and loyalty. But you can’t form these relationships if you aren’t tapping into your emotional intelligence.Part of emotional intelligence is being self-aware and intelligently managing your own emotions. The other side of the coin is being aware of and managing the emotions of other people. Many people do pretty well on the first part, but truly fearless leadership requires positively influencing those around you by executing the second part.
Some of this positive swaying needs to happen in the moment. But as the saying goes, hindsight is 20/20, and there’s amazing value in taking the time to look back and reflect to figure out what you can do better next time. You can usually sense when it’s time to do some of this reflection because you’ll see your results drop or people will flood you with questions and emails.
3 Areas to Watch for Excellent EQ
To see if you’re using your EQ well with others, consider these main points:1. Balance
Were you the only one that talked or spewed ideas and information during the meeting? Did you leave space for people to give feedback or contribute in other ways? And if you did, were you really actively listening? Constant egocentricity is never very becoming, and if it’s always all about you, then nothing is going to be enjoyable for the people around you.2. Fixedness
As a leader, you need to be focused on your outcomes, including the outcomes of individual meetings. But, too often, leaders become so fixed on those outcomes that they become tone-deaf to everyone else. They don’t notice how people are reacting or interacting, and they allow metrics, facts, or “the plan” to become more important than the relationships. There are other reasons leaders display low EQ, but this is probably the most common.3. Inquiry
This ties back to the first point. One of the simplest ways to ensure balance in the workplace and during meetings is to ask more questions. If you focus on inquisition rather than just advocating for yourself or your plan and ideas, then you can focus on learning. At the same time, asking questions reassures others that their thoughts and feelings count. It confirms that you know others have expertise and knowledge that you don’t and that you’re respectful and humble because of it.Don’t think that asking questions requires you to give up the driver’s seat completely. In fact, the questions you choose will have a direct influence on where the conversation goes. If you choose them wisely, then you can up the odds of getting the information you know you need or help people approach topics they might not bring up otherwise. People will feel more heard and valued as you steer them along.
What to Ask Yourself and Others Along the Way
As you think about the above points, ask yourself the following questions:- Do people feel better or worse after interacting with you? What specific clues let you know this?
- What do you feel after leaving the room?
- Do people seem to come to you naturally, or do they seem to stay away?
- What do people say or do before meeting with you?