Who pines for the perils of free speech when the sanctuary of “safe speech” beckons?
This story is a toast to Australia’s valiant eSafety commissioner, a veritable lighthouse in the tumultuous waters of mis- and disinformation.
1. The Supremacy of Safe Speech Over Free Speech
Free speech. A quaint relic for the idealists, perhaps, but in our enlightened era, the tender ministrations of our leaders shepherd us to the safer pastures of expression.Free speech, so ardently curtailed in the hallowed name of security, is an antiquated notion—banished and rebuked.
2. The Virtue of Vulnerability
Heed the timeless wisdom of the Duchess of Windsor—never too rich, never too thin. But let’s append: never too thin-skinned.
The old adage about sticks and stones? A dusty, dated ditty.
In our refined society, words are not mere air but arrows that pierce with precision.
And the remedy?
3. Free Speech Causes Heart Attacks
Banish the notion of vigorously shaking your duvet; it’s free speech, that cunning beast, which truly heralds heart attacks! Hence, one must judiciously steer clear of any fiery debates or vehement discourses.These tempests of the tongue whip up storms of stress and anxiety, marching steadfastly towards cardiac calamity.
4. Silence to Save Our Skies
Every word we utter sends forth a puff of carbon dioxide (CO2), that invisible villain of climate change.Whether engaging in spirited discourse, quiet conversation, or merely breathing, our bodies are factories of CO2, churning out approximately one kilogram of this greenhouse gas daily through the simple act of respiration.
Who would have thought that our very breath could contribute to the warming of the planet? Yet here we stand, armed with knowledge as potent as it is chilling.
So, consider this: silence isn’t just golden; it’s green.
5. The Economy of Effort
Why squander precious energy articulating thoughts and ideas when one could simply bob one’s head in serene agreement with pre-approved dictums?In this modern epoch of streamlined efficiency, the indulgence of free speech seems a flagrant extravagance of vocal cords.
6. The Simplification of Media
Imagine a media landscape cleansed of the troublesome diversity of viewpoints, streamlined to deliver a singular, harmonious narrative (it’s not difficult to imagine, I know!).In this utopian realm, every news outlet is an echo chamber of concord, each parroting identical facts in identical manners day in and day out.
7. Cherishing the Unexpected
In a world devoid of dissent or unpredicted utterances, each decree from our leaders arrives not just as news but as a delightful revelation.Imagine the unblemished pleasure of encountering every policy rollout, every legislative decision, as an unexpected gift. Such ignorance ensures that each governmental pronouncement is greeted not with jaded eyes but with the sparkling anticipation of the unforeseen.
8. Harmony in Homogeneity
A society where every utterance is merely an echo of what was last said, offers not just a dream of true social harmony but a palpable reality. Dissension, after all, is the gritty sand in the smooth oil of social intercourse.Imagine, then, a world where each sentence sung is but a soothing lilt of the previous, composing a grand symphony of sameness, utterly free from the jarring dissonance of discordant views.
Why endure the cacophony of diverse voices when a singular, melodious chorus can extol the virtues of unyielding conformity?
Thus in the gilded halls of this new utopia, where every word is weighed and washed for purity, our ears are treated to the melodious drone of unity.
A toast, then, to the silent sonnets of suppression!
For in the absence of troublesome truths and messy freedoms, we are cradled in the comforting arms of conformity, rocked gently by the lullabies of limitation.
Who, indeed, could ask for anything more?
