Commentary
“Have you picked out a gift yet?”
“Mom’s tastebuds will love these gifts.”
“Give her the perfect treat for her perfect day.”
It’s how you know that Mother’s Day is around the corner: Your inbox fills up with messages from florists, jewelers, food purveyors, and others hoping to separate you from your money by appealing to your feelings about the woman who brought you into the world.
This year, though, a number of online marketers have sent out a different message. “An option to skip Mother’s Day emails,” reads a message from YogaWorks, the live-streaming yoga studio. “[W]e understand this day can create sensitivities,” the email continues. A message from Open Table, the restaurant-reservations service, declares, “Mother’s Day can be a difficult holiday, so we’re giving you the option to skip email communications this year.” Other brands have followed suit: Levi’s, DoorDash, Kay Jewelers, Etsy.
Accompanying this has been a slew of media articles warning that Mother’s Day can be a day of sadness, and even set off physical and mental illness for people who have lost their mothers and women who have lost children or couldn’t conceive.
“Studies have found links between cardiac issues, hypertension, cancer, and immune disorders related to unresolved grief,” writes Devan McGuinness at the online newsletter
Fatherly. “Losing a parent is something that changes us forever, and days dedicated to certain parental figures can be massively triggering,” McGuiness says.
Now you might think that this is all part of a woke war against motherhood, brought to you by the same people who want you to say “birthing person” instead of “Mom.” But it is, in fact, just the latest iteration of a trend in regarding major holidays not as occasions for celebration but as “triggering” events for emotional distress—emotional distress so devastating, according to some, that we shouldn’t remind potential sufferers that the holiday in question is forthcoming—or better yet, stop celebrating the holiday in question ourselves.
The “mother” (if I may use that word) of triggering holidays is Christmas. For decades the month of December has been the month of articles by and about people who feel alienated and depressed when they see Yuletide holly in public places or someone wishes them a “Merry Christmas.” The day is too commercialized, they have no one to celebrate with, they dread interacting with relatives who may have hurt them or whose political beliefs they don’t share, or they belong to a different religion from the well-wisher and regard the greeting as a personal slight or a reminder of their outsider status. “The Twelve Triggers of Christmas” reads a headline in
Psychology Today. “[T]he hardest time of the year,” says another
article.
Following close on the heels of Christmas as a triggering event is Valentine’s Day. This day for celebrating romance also turns out to be the day for feeling alone and miserable. “Whether you’re single and don’t want to be, or just went through a bad breakup, it can feel like this Valentine’s Day exists solely to rub it all in your face,” writes
Bustle contributor Carolyn Steber. “The best place to start is by validating your feelings, and acknowledging how crappy it can all be.”
The website of the
University of Colorado’s Anschutz Medical Center makes Valentine’s Day sound even more dire: “Mental health issues from depression, grief and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) can all trigger harmful negative emotions.”
That’s only the beginning. Other major holidays deemed over the past few years to be “triggering” include:
Father’s Day: “Whether someone’s dad is deceased, estranged, absent, or not the ideal father, it can be hard for the children (even if/when they’re adults), as well as the fathers themselves,” admonishes a
Lifehacker article titled “How to Make It Through Father’s Day If It’s Difficult For You.”
Thanksgiving: “For many, the day is a time for joy, merriment, and amazing food—but for others, it’s a source of stress and anxiety, thanks to family drama around the dinner table. Maybe you have a strained relationship with a family member, or maybe the recent midterm election and the reversal of Roe v. Wade is making things feel especially toxic this year,” Elizabeth Gulino wrote last year in
Refinery29.
Fourth of July: “The explosion of fireworks on the Fourth of July can have unintended consequences for some veterans who fought for their country. While many enjoy the festivities, those who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may find the noise can trigger a frightening reaction,” says a
CBS News report.
Cinco de Mayo: “An individual’s judgment is inhibited when using alcohol. Increased consequences occur as a direct result, making Cinco de Mayo a trigger for addicts in recovery,” according to
Stepping Stone to Recovery, a Florida-based alcoholism-treatment center.
I’m not saying that we shouldn’t be sensitive to other people’s feelings. Grief, trauma, loneliness, addiction, and alienation from one’s family are real things. Holidays that everyone else seems to be celebrating with joy can be sad occasions for some. But do we need to mute the joy of the majority, so that we have to tiptoe around holidays—and maybe cancel them altogether—for fear of disturbing the minority of people who might be upset for one reason or another?
My own mother died six months before Mother’s Day 2022. That meant that for the first time in years, I wouldn’t be calling her favorite florist to order a custom bouquet for her. Yes, I got the usual email barrage last year from vendors reminding me that Mother’s Day was coming up. I’m getting them this year, too. They’re a melancholy memorial of my loss, but I wouldn’t dream of trying to block them as “triggering events.” They remind me that other people have living mothers and should be grateful for that.
Views expressed in this article are opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times.
