Usually when Americans chant about how we’re “No. 1,” it’s to brag to the rest of the world about our national accomplishments. But there’s one area we’re leading the world in that we shouldn’t be celebrating: single-parent households.
Unfortunately, I fit into this demographic because I grew up without my father being active in my life, and I struggled throughout most of my life in various ways because of his absence. Finances in our household were a struggle as my mother worked long hours to provide for my sister and me, but our housing situation was anything but stable because of our lack of household wealth.
When we discuss income inequality in this country, it’s used as a jab directed at the 1 percent only, assuming that the ultra-wealthy are the only reason why regular people struggle in an ever-demanding economy. Our approach to relationships and family planning has a direct effect on income-earning potential: Two potential income earners are greater than one.
This lack of wealth makes single mothers the most vulnerable to homelessness; this was our story as well. On two separate occasions, we ended up temporarily homeless, finding refuge in various hotel rooms, a homeless shelter, and with a stranger in their trailer home, all while my mother tirelessly worked to get us back into housing independence.
I still remember waking up in a Motel 6 to get ready to go to school, where no one knew what we were going through. My memories of being fearful of leaving our room in the homeless shelter or even talking to anyone in the shelter still haunt me to this day. Throughout my childhood strife, it was very clear to me that my mother was on her own in keeping us together as a family; my father was nowhere to be found.
Housing insecurity creates paranoia and uncertainty for children, and it can be extremely traumatic for a child because they’re unable to fully comprehend the stresses and changes happening in their life and thus struggle to manage them appropriately. If there was one thing I was certain of it was the continuation of uncertainty over where we would live, as I would end up moving to various towns and homes throughout four states before the age of 18.
Single parenthood is a failing position to put any parent in because they'll suffer in one area or another as they have to unfairly decide between finances or developing a closer bond with their children. There were moments I struggled with deep depression, insecurity, and suicidal thoughts, and I wasn’t able to communicate this to either of my parents; you can’t be in two places at once.
America’s children are becoming more disconnected from the most important male figure in their lives, and we have adults who selfishly family plan like they’re at a blackjack table—it’s all a gamble based on their momentary feelings.
We’re fearful of criticizing single parenthood because we’re afraid of criticizing the actions of mothers like mine alongside the fathers who chose neglect. Instead, we celebrate it as if it’s an achievement and use successful children who come from these homes as proof of there being no difference from the nuclear family structure.
Advocating for single parenthood means advocating for women to struggle and children to remain vulnerable.
Trust me, you don’t want what we went through.
