As an autistic teenage girl with polycystic ovary syndrome—a health condition caused by a hormonal imbalance—I had a tumultuous life during puberty. Coupled with parental abuse and gender identity issues, at 19, I identified as transgender and medically transitioned.
Unaware of the developmental traumas, I thought treating my gender dysphoria would help me become the person I wanted to be.
In 2019, at age 22, I realized that my trans identity was due to an identity crisis from trauma, and I began to accept myself as a woman, however alien. I am now 26 and realize that many of my identity concerns weren’t as unique as I thought.
Largely influenced by factors such as a permissive parenting style, the popularization of earning a college degree, and modern technology creating luxury, this emerging adulthood cohort of Gen Z and Gen Alpha kids are growing up in a unique era where “growing up” is taking longer. While access to education and resources are a net positive, if combined with the effects of enabling parenting, role confusion can occur.
When parents shield their children from failure, disappointment, or responsibility, they hinder the development of autonomy and self-reliance. These teens and young adults often have access to an array of material comforts and conveniences, which can lead to a lack of motivation to explore their identities and pursue meaningful goals.
The abundance of options and distractions may deter them from committing to a particular path or developing a clear sense of purpose. They may struggle to assert their identities and make independent choices, as they haven’t been given the opportunity to develop the necessary skills and confidence to do so.
The gender transition fantasy is a perfect place for confused teens to hide underlying self-doubts, fears of adult responsibility, and escape the pressures of societal expectations around sex roles. Oftentimes the declaration of an opposite-sex identity can be a subconscious aversion to their own sex category, especially around growing up into an adult version of their sex.
Many teens resort to fantasy and magical thinking as a coping mechanism to navigate the challenges of facing the complexities of adulthood. Music, fashion, social media, online fads, relationships, and even substance use and harmful internet trends are common examples. In this regard, gender identity is no different—the identity is a subcultural introspection with social benefits of belonging, intellectual stimulation, and purpose.
Regardless of what they claim, teens still crave boundaries from adults so they understand the limits of reality. During adolescence, the brain undergoes significant changes, particularly in the prefrontal cortex responsible for decision-making, impulse control, and emotional regulation. As teens seek autonomy and independence, they naturally crave challenges that allow them to test their abilities, develop new skills, and gain a sense of accomplishment.
When these challenges are absent or limited, teens can feel unfulfilled, stagnant, and disconnected from their own potential. These behaviors further impede their growth and hinder the development of genuine self-worth and personal achievement.
For teens experiencing ROGD symptoms, the allure of adopting a trans identity can temporarily fill the void of self-worth, providing a semblance of accomplishment and purpose. However, these identities are often fragile, as they rely on external validation and don’t make space for bodily acceptance. This hasty adoption of an identity without thorough self-exploration can lead to role confusion, hindering their ability to develop a strong and authentic sense of self.
One way that ROGD teens manage self-doubt around their gender identity is through intense involvement in political activism. Social justice activism, particularly within the context of gender and sexuality, offers a ready-made identity and a sense of belonging to a larger cause. The complexity of social issues allows them to bypass their internal struggles and insecurities, substituting personal challenges with the pursuit of external change. The pursuit of competency and personal growth may take a backseat as these individuals seek refuge in a collective identity that shields them from confronting their underlying issues of insecurity and lack of self-esteem.
Furthermore, political ideologies often present a binary view of the world, dividing people into “righteous” activists and “ignorant” dissenters. Within this framework, teens can easily distance themselves from their personal struggles by portraying themselves as enlightened and superior to those who disagree with their views. This tactic allows them to avoid introspection and self-accountability, further preserving their fragile sense of self-worth.
Moreover, a sense of incompetence can also manifest in body dissatisfaction and negative body image. Teens may become hyper-aware of perceived flaws or imperfections, leading to body dysmorphia or eating disorders as they attempt to gain control over their physical appearance. Today, much of this angst is described through the language of gender dysphoria, with rumination on sexed characteristics or lack of opposite-sex features.
Feeling detached from their bodies and reality, some teens may develop a nihilistic outlook, where they presuppose the world to have no inherent meaning. Without a sense of purpose and achievement, they may perceive life as empty, devoid of meaning, and devoid of value. This existential detachment can lead to feelings of hopelessness and apathy, causing them to question their own worth and the value of their actions.
When gender exploration is restricted through medical gender transition measures, teens are disallowed the often-healing process of full development and a chance to adjust to an adult body. Puberty-suppressing drugs physiologically trap youths in a childlike state. To some children, this comes as a relief as they imagine a way out of adult pressures. Lacking long-term planning, many teens who are just starting to become acquainted with their adult sexual features believe that surgically removing or hormonally hiding them is a worthwhile short-term solution to their distress.
Kids experiencing gender-related distress are often portrayed as “unique” children that require special care, but developmentally, they need the same framework of flexibility in identity exploration to create a strong identity and avoid becoming stuck in role confusion. When teens demand acceptance of their new trans identity, this indicates a rigidity in thinking that isn’t present in an authentic self-concept.
When parents scramble to validate this rigid identity, they can harm the teen by codifying what should be a fluid investigation into the family structure. Instead of limiting teens with gender distress by using heavy labels, adults should explain that this is developmentally normal and not an inherent sign of a gender identity disorder.
The phenomenon of teens turning to gender exploration as a means to escape adulthood is a complex and multifaceted issue, but children in the identity-forming stage of development can be assisted in the process when provided with a healthy balance of wise boundaries and fluid exploration. Rather than hastily affirming gender identity claims, parents must approach these issues with nuance and sensitivity, modeling acceptance and responsibility.
Addressing the issue of competency and its relationship to identity formation is crucial in providing meaningful support to gender-distressed adolescents. By encouraging them to explore their interests, set achievable goals, and engage in authentic self-discovery, they can be guided toward a more stable and resilient sense of identity.
Empowering them to develop genuine self-esteem and a solid foundation of self-worth will foster a sense of competency that goes beyond external accolades or activism, leading to a more fulfilled and grounded sense of self. I know, because against the odds, I survived a complex puberty.
