‘Feeding’ Our Kids a Balanced Social Diet

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Commentary

As parents, we’re all aware of the overwhelming pull on our kids toward social media. Trying to keep up with a few apps for friends, a couple for sports, one for school, and a few for trends has the potential to leave little time for any other type of interaction. And if we’re not careful, our kids will suffer for it.

In a recent podcast hosted by Andrew Huberman titled “The Biology of Social Interactions and Emotions,” Kay Tye helped unpack our basic human need for social interaction. As the discussion dipped in and out of the social media sphere, one fascinating analogy rose to the surface—the idea of “nutritious” social interactions.

We are all aware that our bodies cannot thrive on just any kind of food. If we continually maintain a diet of cheese puffs and candy over veggies and clean proteins, our bodies will suffer for it. Even if the calories consumed are the same, the quality—the nutritional value—is vastly different.

The same could be said for social interactions. Our spirits are designed for fellowship. And just like our bodies, our spirits cannot thrive on just any kind of fellowship. This also holds true for our kids, so how do we ensure they are getting enough “nutritious” social interactions? By looking at the scientific and spiritual aspects of fellowship—“reading the label”—we can help our kids develop a balanced “diet” of social interactions.

The Science of Social Interaction: Quantity

Ms. Tye and colleagues published detailed research on the concept of social homeostasis, defined as “the ability of individuals to detect the quantity and quality of social contact, compare it to an established set-point in a command center, and adjust the effort expended to seek the optimal social contact expressed via an effector system.”

The idea is that our bodies are constantly striving for homeostasis, or relative stability. For example, when our body temperature rises too much, our sweat glands kick into action to cool us down, thus achieving that homeostasis or temperature stability that the body needs to survive.

Social homeostasis then, in its most simplified terms, refers to our desire for social stability. Some of us crave a lot of social interaction, while others prefer a few key relationships. While we may all be a bit different as far as the baseline of what we consider stable, the point is that we have the ability to detect whether we’ve got a surplus or a deficit of social interaction—whether our social lives are starving, satisfied, or stuffed.

Why does this matter for our kids? Well, because Ms. Tye’s research indicates that we reset our baseline of homeostasis (stability) with practiced action. Say a child plays basketball out in the neighborhood every day after school; that group interaction is their baseline of normal social interaction. Then that child gets a phone, downloads and follows every social app, and has no time for basketball anymore; that isolated interaction becomes their new baseline of normal. Suddenly, playing basketball after school feels like a surplus—too much interaction—whereas before it was normal.

This is obviously alarming, thus the need for us to encourage balance in our kids’ social lives. We don’t want them to isolate into only online interactions, making in-person interactions feel like “too much.” The next point will help us see why.

The Spiritual Side of Social Interaction: Quality

In the above-mentioned episode, Mr. Huberman adds thoughts about the difference in quality regarding social interactions. An hour of deep one-on-one discussion with a good friend would surely nourish anyone’s soul. An hour of social media scrolling and commenting would not have the same effect, even though it is still considered an interaction. In fact, some might even say that it could leave you socially hungry (craving more interaction) rather than nourished and full.

As parents, it’s part of our calling to point out this truth to our kids. Texting and messaging and liking and commenting aren’t good enough. They’re the cheese puffs and candy. Our kids need quality, in-person, “veggies-and-protein” interactions to nourish their spirits and encourage their souls.

Fostering Healthy Social Interactions for Kids: Balance

No child wants to eat carrots and peas when cheese puffs and candy make an appearance. We parents know this instinctively, and as such, we help our kids find a healthy balance between the stuff they need and the stuff they want. Here are some ideas for how to do that:

• Set quantity limits. With food this might mean something like “no candy until you eat your carrots” or “no junk food after 8 p.m.” In the social realm, it might mean “no TikTok until you spend an hour outside with your siblings” or “no TikTok after 8 p.m.”
• Provide quality choices. We all know that if we don’t provide choices like yogurt and apple slices, our kids are going to go straight for chips and chocolate. When it comes to social interaction, sometimes it’s up to us to provide our kids with quality social options. Maybe that means signing them up for a sport or dance class where they can make friends with similar interests. Maybe that means organizing playdates for little ones or game nights for preteens.
• Model balanced behaviors. Our kids take cues about healthy behaviors from us. If they see us skipping meals or overindulging in desserts, it sends a message to them about food. In the same way, if they see us opting out of social invitations or constantly scrolling on our phones, it sends a message to them about fellowship. Model balanced social behavior and allow them to learn about healthy interactions from your example.

Conclusion

In a world of online friend requests, our kids may be struggling with the concept of true friendship. Let’s face it—social media and digital communication aren’t going away. That’s why it’s up to us to lead our kids into healthy, balanced social behavior, for their own good. Let’s help them focus on their spiritual nourishment through quality fellowship. The rest is just cheese puffs.

Views expressed in this article are opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times.