Many people thought Anne Heche was crazy, a privileged eccentric. Her wild ups and downs, and bouts of mental illness were well documented by the press. Eccentric? She had been a successful actress with a colorful love life, most notably her relationship with Ellen DeGeneres. Her journey included a marriage, long-term relationship, and two kids. Crazy? Was the odd behavior fueled by substance abuse? Yes and no. What the public and entertainment influencers didn’t know was the root of what drove Heche’s erratic behavior. I knew. As a survivor, I understood it all too well. I was a victim of familial sexual abuse.
Her battle was to survive and live beyond her alleged childhood trauma and the haunting memories. Sadly, Heche could never escape them. Her tragedy was that she could not beat the devil. She could not obliterate the horror she said she suffered as a child. She could not overcome the mental scars of that brutality and didn’t achieve healing or freedom to live authentically as herself: Anne Heche.
I’m the lucky one. I survived 17 years as a child sex trafficking victim where unspeakable abuse and torture were leveled by immediate and some extended family members. In my life, God interceded. I tried to end my life three separate times before the age of 12 but no one knew. Going to school was my “safe place” away from family predators, but I never stopped wondering if at any moment someone would find out, someone would “know” what I was hiding inside. It was a heavy load for a child to carry.
Each day was another day of self-loathing, fear, and hopeless desperation. My family worked hard to control the fake image everyone else saw—often through force and public humiliation. Family predators are “protected” by their bloodline. Child victims have no escape—nor any advocates. I wanted to hurt myself to stop the gnawing shame and pain of my filthy past and all its secrets. I wished I could be anyone but me. Like Heche, I was trained to be the perfect pretender. Decades later, I achieved a healthier, more authentic self that allowed me to live forward, live freely, and not be defeated by shame demons.
I developed excellent coping skills. I put on a game face in public which made it possible for me to operate in any situation, including work, church, and unhealthy relationships. However, my game face did not fill the void in my identity. None of it made me feel whole, human, or worthy. It was my faith in God that sustained me: Faith, effective counseling, and a deep calling on my heart to reach other young victims who have been violated, abused, and often abandoned—even by their own families.
Heche was seemingly a casualty of the war against the innocent. May her life and death be a rallying point for those who are fighting against predators and human traffickers. Each member of Congress, law enforcement, educational institutions, medical and mental health care communities, civil rights advocacy centers, and every community needs to join in the effort to stop the abuse against our children. The most innocent among us deserve to have their human rights and dignity protected.
Heche created a courageous image throughout the violence and shame she reportedly endured. Honoring her is honoring all victims.