7 Take-Outs From Tucker Carlson Down Under

Tucker Carlson speaks during the 10X Growth Conference 2024 at The Diplomat Beach Resort in Hollywood, Florida on April 2, 2024. (Ivan Apfel/Getty Images)

Commentary

Tucker Carlson, in a blast of raucous energy, has been ripping through Australia, starting his tear in the humid tropics of Cairns and rolling down to the brisk streets of Melbourne.

In Sydney, he commandeered the ICC Darling Harbour stage, recently vacated by Jerry Seinfeld. The queues to catch Tucker Carlson outstripped those for Mr. Seinfeld, and his barbs were so sharp they nearly nicked the crown from the comedy king himself—both giants clashing in their own coliseums.

Through a storm of words, Mr. Carlson outlined certain observations.

Here’s a slice of his tour.

1. The Australian Vernacular

Mr. Carlson appears to have fallen head over heels for the Australian lexicon, revelling particularly in the locals’ penchant for lobbing the most scandalous swear words as terms of deepest affection—a practice he and Mr. Seinfeld found equally amusing.

2. Carlson Is a Dog Man

He’s a confessed spaniel aficionado, with a trio of these droopy-eyed companions ruling the roost back home. However, he maintains that the pinnacle of his life’s achievements was convincing his wife to marry him.

3. A Single Tie?

And then there’s the mystery of the tie—is it just the same one on repeat or does he own several of the same one?

Now there’s nothing wrong with his tie. It’s a rather nice tie albeit smacking of a Scots College Bellevue Hill vibe. But one wonders, is he channelling Karl Stefanovic, wearing the same suit day in, day out, to test the limits of public attention?

4. The Quarter Pounder

Regarding Donald Trump, Mr. Tucker lauds him as a man of the masses, a connoisseur of fast food who not only distinguishes a quarter pounder from its lesser brethren but is also an aficionado of the secret sauce and a savant of the combo meal number four.

Truly, a Renaissance man of the people.

5. On Being Fired

He declared being fired as nothing short of liberating. Indeed, he champions it with evangelical zeal, suggesting it as a career move for everyone from doctors to police officers—especially those sacked over vaccine mandates.

According to Mr. Carlson, there’s nothing like the high moral ground to ensure a good night’s sleep, something those erstwhile public servants now know as they wear their termination like a badge of honour.

6. Sydney’s Public Spaces

Sydney, with its egalitarian sprawl of public spaces, earns Mr. Carlson’s nod of approval (especially Waverley Cemetery); these are the haunts of both the haves and the have-nots, he observes.

Yet, he warns that should these spaces fall into the clutches of the wealthy, the soul of the city will crumble into dust.

7. Australian Neighbours

Mr. Carlson paints a dire picture of an imaginary populous nation, 1.4 billion strong, casting covetous glances at a resource-rich but sparsely populated neighbour.

He shares a tale of economic subterfuge where this giant, resource-starved nation might tell the little Aussie battler,

“Oh, those vast gold/coal/uranium/whatever reserves are terribly bad for the climate. Best sell them to us, and at a bargain rate, too!”

Unbeknownst to Mr. Carlson, his parable might not be too far from the truth, as the hypothetical giant may well have already sunk its claws into a sizeable chunk of Australia.

As the Tucker tornado moves on, the ripples of his visit will undoubtedly linger in his wake, like the aftershocks of a particularly rowdy storm.

So long, Tucker, and thanks for all the fish—or in this case, perhaps, the Tim Tams and quarter pounders.

Views expressed in this article are opinions of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of The Epoch Times.