Simple Keys to a Happy, Long-Lasting Marriage for the Health of Your Family

Keeping a strong and healthy marriage is an endeavor of strength, commitment, understanding, and conscious peace.

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A successful and enduring marriage is often considered one of life’s greatest achievements. The path to a long, happy marriage is found through conscious effort from both partners.

Many enter into marriage with romantic ideals—then real life takes over. Our modern society often seems woven with threads of self-centeredness and distraction, and relationships are susceptible to the strains of career demands, screen time, and fleeting sentiments.

A strong, healthy marriage is important for the health and well-being of children. A 2021 review published in The Linacre Quarterly cited results from researcher Paul Amato, who has reviewed five decades of the consequences of parental divorce on children. He found that on “average over all studies and measures in both Europe and America, divorce reduced child well-being by about a third of a standard deviation compared to children with intact married parents.”

The review also highlights that “children with divorced parents, compared with children with continuously married parents, exhibit more conduct problems, have more emotional problems, obtain lower academic test scores and school grades, and have more problems with social relationships.”

In a recent interview, Lee Wilson, also known as “Coach Lee,” shared timeless wisdom, practical advice, and keys to creating and maintaining a blissful, enduring marriage.

Defining a Successful Marriage

A successful marriage is not just a union of two individuals—in the words of Mr. Wilson, “It’s when two individuals make a conscious choice to prioritize each other.”

Their commitment to each other is intentional, and they envision their future as intertwined.

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Mr. Wilson explained the mindset: “I’m with you, and you’re with me; the other things are all side items. We have our world together, and we’re going to live in this world together.

“This partnership forms the core of their lives. While it may not always be filled with magic, sunshine, or unending passion, viewing their relationship in this profound manner increases their likelihood of sharing a lifetime together.”

Mr. Wilson highlighted several essential elements of a successful marriage.

1. Centralize the Relationship and Prioritize Each Other

Place your spouse at the forefront of your life, making his or her happiness and well-being a top priority. Mr. Wilson emphasizes the significance of regularly checking in with your partner, asking about his or her day, and actively listening to his or her concerns.

2. Intentional Commitment

Mr. Wilson advises that couples regularly reaffirm their commitment to each other, both verbally and through their actions. This intentionality reinforces the emotional bond between spouses.

3. Be Easy

“If you want to be a good spouse, be easy. When you feel like the rest of the world is on your case, you should feel like you can go to your spouse and they’ve got your back and you can win with them,” Mr. Wilson said.

Contrary to some opinions, he said a marriage can be a respite.

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“You don’t need someone who challenges you, pushes you, and calls you out. You don’t really even need someone who makes you a better person. That’s not their job. Their job is to love you,” Mr. Wilson said.

Building a Strong Foundation

Mindset, daily habits, and planning can go a long way in creating an unshakable foundation in a marriage. Mr. Wilson suggested the following to build a strong foundation:

Prioritize Quality Time Together

He suggested that couples make a commitment to spending quality time together weekly and on larger trips or getaways on a yearly basis. These dates should be a time to put aside distractions and focus solely on each other. These moments create opportunities for connection, rejuvenation, and the strengthening of the marital bond.

Explore New Activities Together

Mr. Wilson suggested trying new activities as a couple to keep the relationship exciting and fresh. Whether it’s taking up a new hobby, traveling to new places, or exploring shared interests, these experiences can reignite the spark in the marriage.

Teamwork

Seeing marriage as a partnership is another important factor in a strong marriage, according to Mr. Wilson. Couples should view themselves as teammates working toward shared goals and aspirations.

Keep It Simple

In today’s fast-paced world, it’s easy to become overwhelmed by the complexities of life.

“Modern marriages face this idea that relationships are supposed to just be this magical Rubik’s cube of complexity. We created a lot of nightmares and marriages that people want to leave,” Mr. Wilson said.

He suggested that couples strive to keep their relationships simple. This means focusing on the core values and priorities that brought them together in the first place. By simplifying their connection, couples can reduce unnecessary stress and maintain a happier, more sustainable marriage, he said.

Maintaining a Fulfilling Sexual Connection

Physical intimacy is a vital component of a thriving marriage and can strengthen the emotional bond between partners. Mr. Wilson said a satisfying sexual connection can act as a preventive measure against divorce and should be treated as seriously as any other essential maintenance task.

When both partners prioritize and fulfill each other’s needs in this area, they are less likely to be distracted by external temptations. Here’s a summary of his advice:

Prioritize Sexual Connection

Mr. Wilson suggested that couples consider making sexual intimacy a daily priority. By simplifying their lives and dedicating time to this aspect of their relationship, they can strengthen their emotional bond.

Set a Minimum Number

It’s essential for couples to have open and honest conversations about their sexual needs and desires. Mr. Wilson said: “Decide what’s the ideal number of times per week that both partners can agree upon. How many times do you feel like you would be happy with and would ensure you both feel loved and supported?”

Balance Communication and Action

Although communication is crucial, Mr. Wilson advises that couples not over-discuss the topic. Balance talking about it with taking action to maintain a playful and passionate connection.

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“Sometimes when you are talking about it a whole lot and you’re not getting anywhere, one of the best things you can do is to stop talking about it and focus more on action,” he said.

Daily Connection

Mr. Wilson encourages couples to maintain daily connections through flirty texts or playful interactions even if sexual activity doesn’t happen every day.

Challenges of Modern Marriages

Modern marriages face unique challenges.

To Post or Not to Post

In the digital age, navigating the realm of social media can be a significant challenge for couples in serious relationships.

“You really need to have some conversations about it,” Mr. Wilson said.

Understanding each other’s perspectives regarding social media usage is crucial, as not everyone approaches it the same way.

Mr. Wilson encourages partners to prioritize each other’s feelings, especially if one feels hidden or overlooked online.

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“You at least have to understand the expectations because, for some people, this is announcing to the world what their life is like,” he said. “If it’s that important to them, you need to put their picture up.”

Importance of Traditional Roles

Another critical issue affecting modern marriages is the evolving landscape of gender roles and career expectations.

Mr. Wilson highlighted that couples, especially those with separate careers heading in different directions, can experience exhaustion and strained relationships when they return home.

He suggested that revisiting traditional marital roles—one partner focuses on homemaking and family care while the other provides financial support—can alleviate stress and improve the quality of the relationship.

Mr. Wilson emphasized that this idea isn’t about suppressing one partner’s career aspirations but about simplifying life to create a nurturing environment for the family. Many couples who embrace this classical approach report reduced stress levels and improved harmony within their homes, he said.

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“It’s about two people saying to each other, ‘I have some things I’m going to do to make your life easier—to take some things off your plate—[and] you’re going to do some things to take things off my plate,’” Mr. Wilson said.

He delved into the physiological aspects of gender roles, highlighting that men and women naturally complement each other when they fully embrace their respective masculine and feminine qualities.

He said that when a woman embodies her femininity and a man his masculinity, they trigger hormonal responses that foster emotional bonding.

These physiological reactions, occurring during intimate moments and daily interactions, enhance the connection between partners and promote a sense of protection and commitment.

Constructive Conflict Resolution

Every marriage encounters conflicts at some point. The key to a long-lasting, happy marriage lies in how couples handle these conflicts constructively. Mr. Wilson shared valuable insights into this crucial aspect of relationship maintenance:

Give the Benefit of the Doubt

Mr. Wilson recommended that when conflicts arise, people avoid assumptions about their partners’ intentions.

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“Remember that your spouse has stood by you through thick and thin, which is a testament to their commitment,” he said. “Assume that their decisions are well-intentioned, even if they don’t initially align with your expectations.”

Communicate Well

This is the lifeblood of a healthy marriage. When issues arise, take the time to listen actively, empathize, and seek understanding. Avoid bottling up emotions or resorting to criticism. Encourage open dialogue and always strive to find common ground.

Choose Your Battles Wisely

Not every disagreement requires immediate confrontation. Mr. Wilson said not everything needs to be expressed right away. Often, taking some time to reflect can help you realize that an issue isn’t as significant as it initially seemed. Avoid the temptation to nitpick or engage in unnecessary arguments.

Exemplify Honesty Without Punishment

One of the cornerstones of a healthy marriage is open and honest communication. Mr. Wilson said it’s important to create a safe space where both partners can express their thoughts and feelings without fear of punishment or judgment. When honesty is encouraged and respected, it fosters trust and strengthens the bond between spouses.

Be a Source of Peace

Mr. Wilson advises that during disagreements, rather than escalating tensions, partners strive to be a source of peace for each other. By maintaining a calm and understanding demeanor, couples can resolve conflicts more effectively.

“What you need from a spouse is someone who can be your peace. You may feel like you can’t win with the rest of the world but you need to feel like you can win with this person,” he said.

Cherish and Appreciate Each Other

When both spouses are committed to being each other’s peace and prioritize making each other feel valued and desired, it leads to fewer arguments and a more harmonious relationship.

“When you cherish the other person, your first response is not to attack,” Mr. Wilson said.

The Effect of Divorce on Children

The American family has changed drastically in recent decades. A 2014 review in The Linacre Quarterly states that in 1970, “84 percent of children lived with their married biologic parents.” As of 2009, this number had dwindled to only 60 percent, according to the review. 

“The Centers for Disease Control stopped gathering complete data on the number of children affected by divorce in 1988, and at that time more than one million children were affected,” it reads.

Although some studies suggest that the effect of divorce on children is minimal, other research paints a different picture.

The review cites a study conducted in the UK that states that “although children are at increased risk of adverse outcomes following family breakdown and that negative outcomes can persist into adulthood, the difference between children from intact and non-intact families is a small one, and the majority of children will not be adversely affected in the long-term.” 

However, two significant meta-analyses, one in 1991 and another in 2001, found that “children with divorced parents continued to score significantly lower on measures of academic achievement, conduct, psychological adjustment, self-concept, and social relations.”

The Broader Societal Effects

Per the review, divorce’s implications extend beyond the individual and familial spheres. 

It detrimentally affects society as a whole by diminishing children’s future competence, weakening the family structure, and increasing the likelihood and costs related to early sexual experimentation, substance use, and crime, according to the review.

Divorce can also lead to reduced religious practice, lower educational attainment, and lower household income, the review states. 

The review also notes that efforts to calculate the economic burden of divorce in the United States reveal annual costs as high as $33.3 billion, “with adolescent pregnancy costing at least $7 billion.”