Moments of Movie Wisdom: Moving On After Grief in ‘My Reputation’ (1946)

A promo shot for the film "The Strange Love of Martha Ivers." MovieStillsDB

Commentary

Grief is a very relatable topic. In every culture, every civilization, and every era, there are stories, songs, poems, and customs related to the loss of loved ones. Throughout history, different cultures have had very different societal rules for grieving and mourning, which can seem extreme or strange to outsiders. Even those within a culture can struggle to see the sense in strict mourning customs when they themselves are bereaved.

Today’s moment of movie wisdom is from “My Reputation” from 1946. It’s the first scene in this film. Jessica Drummond (Barbara Stanwyck), a young widow, receives a visit from family lawyer Frank Everett (Warner Anderson), who gives her a letter from her late husband. His advice for her to go on with her own life motivates her to follow a path which scandalizes local gossips.

Jessica is the mother of two teenaged sons (Scotty Beckett and Bobby Cooper). Although her beloved husband, Paul, had been sick for many years, he ensured that his family would be financially stable after his death. Jessica’s mother, Mary Kimball (Lucile Watson), has been in mourning for her husband for 25 years, consistently wearing black clothes and a veil. She expects her daughter to do the same now that she has been widowed, but Jessica knows she can’t follow her mother’s example. She has to continue living if she is to survive on her own, and she can’t do that by wallowing in grief.

In the film, Jessica accompanies some friends to a mountain cabin. While out skiing one day, she meets Major Scott Landis (George Brent), a charming military man. They become good friends and continue to spend time together back in Chicago. Gossip quickly spreads about the widow and the officer, but Jessica refuses to be controlled by idle rumors.

The Scene

Frank Everett arrives at a beautiful home which is obviously mourning a great loss. Housekeeper Anna (Esther Dale) informs him that she let Mrs. Drummond sleep late but promises to awaken her while he goes into the parlor. Jessica soon joins Frank, who gently discusses the financial situation with her. She’s glad to hear that she can send her sons to school as planned, keep the house, and continue employing Anna.

A lobby card for the film “My Reputation” from 1946. MovieStillsDB

Then, Frank gives her a letter which Paul sent to him special delivery shortly before his death. She reads the tender missive aloud to Frank. In it, the loving husband thanks his beloved wife for the years they’ve spent together, but he also encourages her to be true to herself in the years to come, not letting others sway her. “Bring up the boys to stand alone. Don’t let people dictate what you shall do or shall not do, because it would be impossible for you to do anything which is not fine and decent and true.”

In the letter, Paul also writes that it’s hard for him to think of his wife without him, since they had been together for so long. However, he doesn’t want her to make herself miserable with mourning just for the sake of remembering him. He says, “As far as my part of your future is concerned, I read a poem somewhere once that said, ‘Better by far you should forget and smile than you should remember and be sad.’” This selfless message comes from a poem by Christina Rossetti.

Its Significance

This scene is just the beginning of the film’s story, but it sets the rest of the plot in motion. In these few minutes, we learn much about Jessica Drummond’s history, character, and future. She clearly is a woman of strong principles, a noble spirit, and selfless inclinations. She has devoted herself to her husband and sons. Now that Paul is gone, she has to find a way to be on her own. She soon discovers that being with many of her old friends brings back too many painful memories of her husband’s death, so she must find new friends.

Jessica’s mother is a very strong woman. She thinks that following social customs for the upper class is the most important guide in life. She refers to herself and Jessica as “our kind of people” and expresses strong disapproval when her daughter doesn’t follow her rules to the letter. She is appalled by how quickly Jessica doffs her mourning garb, expecting her to follow her own example of mourning for the rest of her life. She thinks that Jessica’s behavior is disrespectful to her late husband and scandalous for a woman of her position.

Fred MacMurray and Barbara Stanwyck appear in the film “Remember the Night.” Paramount Pictures

Mrs. Kimball doesn’t realize that her daughter is actually respecting her late husband’s wishes by listening to her heart. His final words of wisdom to her were to avoid being dictated by others, by which I’m sure he meant her mother. He knew that Mrs. Kimball had imprisoned herself in mourning ever since Jessica’s father died. That may have been right for her mother, but he knew that wouldn’t be right for Jessica. He loved and trusted her enough to know that she would always follow her own good sense and common decency, which is far more important than being a slave to public opinion.

Judgement and Assumption

This movie shows how easy it is to assume things about others and misjudge them. Jessica’s friends, neighbors, and even her own mother are very judgmental of her decisions and behavior after her husband’s death. They act shocked that she isn’t following the accepted customs of widowhood under the guise of demanding respect for her late husband. However, it quickly becomes more about gossip than compassion and respect.

No one can truly tell how another person feels. We each must deal with grief in our own ways. Even Emily Post wrote in her famous book of etiquette that it is just as disrespectful to judge a bereaved person who moves on quickly as to ignore a proper mourning period. As Paul Drummond wrote to his wife, it can be better to forget the painful memories if they prevent you from living and loving the people who are still alive.