Speed dating and matchmaking company HK Romance Dating (HKRD) released a survey on Valentine’s Day revealing the marital state of married Hongkoners.
The survey interviewed 309 married people between Jan. 16 and Feb. 10, and nearly 40 percent considered marriage a bittersweet experience.
In addition, the interviewees were asked about the attributes most effective in maintaining their marriage; 91 percent said it was tolerance, 90 percent said it was communication, 67 percent said it was a commitment, and 52 percent said it was sex.
Ben Kwok and Pauline Wong are both Catholics who believe that respecting each other is the key to maintaining a marriage, including respect for each other’s hobbies and friends. In contrast, they think they should confess to each other if they don’t like something so as not to change each other but to find a solution to the problem.
Wong laughs that she has a high demand for hygiene. Therefore, she is more likely to disagree with her husband about kitchen cleaning. However, she also appreciates his help with cooking. The sweetest thing about them is that Kwok would repeat the vows he made in church on their wedding day before going to bed together every day for many years.
The survey found when couples encounter a disagreement, 74 percent said they would communicate rationally, 53 percent said they would take the initiative to give in, and only 23 percent would fight. 52 percent want their better half to improve their communication skills, followed by 51 percent for temperament, 37 percent for health, and eight percent for appearance. Meanwhile, only 12 percent think their partner has no room for improvement.
The founder of HKRD, Cheung Wai-ping, said that pre- and post-marital counseling is very common in Western countries, which allows couples to understand each other’s values, expectations and needs and to examine their character strengths, and weaknesses and to learn to communicate and coordinate with their other halves. However, counseling services are rare in Chinese societies.
Cheung said many people know their values and personalities are incompatible with their partners, but they think getting married can solve the problem. She suggested that couples planning to get married can first conduct pre-marital counseling. Then, if they disagree on the same values, they can discuss and coordinate with each other; after marriage, they should seek professional counseling if differences cannot be dealt with.
Cheung also pointed out that love and marriage are composed of passion, intimacy, and commitment. She reminded couples to always remember the five keys to happy marital life: words of love; words of affirmation, praise, or appreciation; an occasional special gift; acts of service, such as cooking a meal for each other or massage for him and her, and intimate physical touch.
Also, couples should constantly remind themselves to value commitment, communication, tolerance, and respect. In such an environment, a marriage can last for a long time.
Even though it is not easy to maintain a marriage, many couples registered for marriage on Feb. 14, as 2023 is a leap year in the lunar calendar. According to the Immigration Department, 248 couples submitted their notice of intended marriage on Feb. 14. Of those, 127 couples planned to marry at the marriage registry, and 121 couples planned to be presided over by a civil celebrant. This is a record high in the three years of the epidemic. The total is double the number in 2022 and the highest since 2019. In addition, the total is the highest number of people registering to get married on Valentine’s Day since the outbreak of the pandemic in 2020.
Looking back at the past five years of Valentine’s Day, only 130, 49, and 124 couples registered for marriage from 2020 to 2022 due to the pandemic. This is lower than 197 and 333 in 2018 and 2019, respectively.
