It’s the most wonderful time of the year—unless you have no idea what to buy someone, you receive an absolute disaster of a gift, or someone gives you a present when you haven’t bought them anything.
Finding the Elusive Perfect Gift
Your rich aunt doesn’t need anything, your best friend never wants anything, and you have no idea what your favorite coworker does for fun. You’re clueless as to what to buy these people. Turns out, you simply need to put on your thinking cap or ask a question or two.If there’s someone on your gift list you don’t know that well, talk to someone close to that person to get some ideas.
“It’s such a great strategy to ask people who know them better than you do. The people closer to them will be able to help you,” Scott said.
“There’s absolutely nothing wrong within your own family or within your own friend group saying, ‘Hey, listen, what do you need? What would you like? What would light up your life?’” she said. ”You have to think about each person if you really want to do it right. You’re fine-tuning it for that individual.”
“You want to be aware of the person’s personality and not give them something that they would never, ever use just because it’s something that you like,” she said. If you don’t know someone well, she recommends against giving a gift that is super personal, such as jewelry or home decor.
“I love to give something that the person didn’t know they needed or wouldn’t spend on themselves, yet I know the person well enough [to know] that they would love it—filling a need that they didn’t know they had,” she added. For example, her mother had a Christmas figurine set from her own mother, from the 1950s, with a broken piece. Her sister found and gifted her a replacement. “My mom was overjoyed and completely blessed by the thought of this gift!”
Friske also suggests keeping a record of your gifts so you don’t end up giving someone the same present twice, especially if someone’s been on your gift list for years. She keeps a gift-giving journal.
“You can go back and find out what you gave to the person, and even how much you spent,” she said.
And if all else fails, cash or gift cards get Gottsman’s stamp of approval. But again, she suggests putting some thought into it to make it look like an actual present.
“It’s the presentation that counts,” she said. Don’t just stick it in a plain envelope; put it in a pretty card or a beautifully wrapped box.
“Cash is king, because when you give a beautiful holiday card to someone and insert cash, that gives them the freedom to buy whatever they would like,” she added. Just make sure any gift cards are for stores or restaurants the recipient actually likes.
Scott says cash is a great gift for young people: “Cash gifts for older children are always appreciated.”
For younger kids, she adds that classic toys that will last a long time are always a good idea.
“I think it’s nice for children to give them timeless, high-quality things, rather than toys that are going to break down,” she said. A little girl who receives a beautiful dollhouse might keep it forever as a reminder of her best childhood memories, and eventually might pass it down to her own daughter.
Remember that a beautiful package is often the one that’s opened first, so make sure your gifts stand out. Thankfully, someone figured out that most guys can’t do a decent job wrapping a box or tying a pretty bow. So whoever came up with the idea of the colorful gift bag, every man thanks you.
Professional Gifts Should Be Professional
If you have coworkers or clients on your Christmas list, remember, it’s business. Gottman says you shouldn’t get too personal with gifts, like perfume or a massage.
“You want to keep it professional,“ she said. ”Maybe tickets to a theater, or to a game that you know they like. Something generic, but nice. Something thoughtful.”
Scott suggests if you have a lot of coworkers, you might want to give them all the same thing. “Generic but nice” works here, too.
Significant Gifts for Your Significant Other
Your current significant other might be your soulmate—or might not. Too early to tell? You want a gift that’s thoughtful without possibly scaring the other person away. Gottsman suggests something “lighthearted and kind,” such as a dinner at that person’s favorite restaurant.
Scott thinks picking a gift if you’re in a relationship is simple. She says you should choose “something that shows you’re paying attention to what they like and you care about them.”
“That will really impress the other person. Even if it’s something small,” she said.
Friske suggests focusing on quality time.
“Do something thoughtful—taking them out somewhere special, taking them to a concert, acknowledging that relationship. I don’t think that it has to always be something that you hold in your hand,” she said.
On the other end of the spectrum, if you’ve been married a long time and have run out of gift ideas, it’s best to simply ask what your other half wants.
The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Gift
You live in an apartment, and someone gives you plastic lawn flamingos (true story). You get a nose hair trimmer from your office Secret Santa. And, of course, from the unwanted gift hall of fame, there’s the fruitcake.
How do you react if you feel like you’ve been handed a dead fish?
“It’s time to employ your acting skills. You pretend to be overjoyed,“ Scott said. ”They were thinking of you, and that’s really all that matters. Focus on the thought behind the gift rather than the item itself.”
Whatever the gift ends up being, Friske says that recipients should focus all attention on the present when opening it. She cited one example of a rude recipient: “When they were opening the gift, they didn’t show anything because they were on their phone the whole time.”
According to Gottsman, it’s important to remain polite and thankful even if you receive something you don’t want. “Be responsible and be respectful of the giver,” she said.
As for what to do with these clunkers, she says that it’s up to you.
“It’s a gift. Once it belongs to you, you can do whatever you like,” she said. One suggestion: Donate it to a charity that can turn it into cash. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure.
To Regift or Not to Regift?
If you want to regift, there are risks. The recipient might feel that you didn’t put much thought into it. There’s the chance the recipient may ask you where you bought it, which could leave you with an omelet on your face. Bus-ted!If you’re still willing to roll the dice, Gottsman says there are rules: “You have to make sure that absolutely every tag has been taken care of. There should be no name on it. It should not be in a box from a different department store, in case they were going to go try to return it.”
Friske said: “It should be, in my opinion, something that is still in the package, brand new, not used. The recipient is somebody who would enjoy this.”
The Importance of a Simple Thank You Note
In an era of email and texting, sending a handwritten letter via snail mail has become a lost art. And with that, the tradition of thank-you notes has begun to disappear as well. Gottsman says handwriting a thank-you note, especially for wedding gifts, shouldn’t be considered old-fashioned.“We give a gift without any expectation—that’s what we should do. But a thank-you note is always expected. It’s the appropriate thing to do,“ she said. ”Notes are not outdated. They’re not antiquated. They let the gift giver know you received it.”
Scott says that with society becoming more casual, some polite traditions are being forgotten. She echoes Gottsman: “For weddings, you absolutely, one thousand percent have to send a thank-you note.”
Friske added that the young generation has been lax in keeping the tradition of thank-you notes going.
“I do not know how to encourage them enough that this is unacceptable,“ she said. ”A thank-you note should be written. And weddings are different from a Christmas or birthday. Typically, a thank-you note should be written within one week of receiving a gift.”
If you want to take after royalty, she notes that Princess Diana and Grace Kelly always sent thank-you notes.
“They both were very fastidious about handwriting thank-you notes,” she said.
