🎧Sports Brief: Special Rivalry Week Edition

Kyle McCord (6) of the Ohio State Buckeyes throws a pass against the Michigan Wolverines during the second quarter in the game at Michigan Stadium in Ann Arbor, Mich., on Nov. 25, 2023 Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

Greetings sports fans, and welcome to the world-famous Epoch Times Sports Brief for Friday, Nov. 29. I’m Bill Thomas, we hope you enjoyed your Thanksgiving football feast, and in the spirit of the holiday, right now we’re proud to present our first annual, all-pigskin “rivalry week” special edition of The Epoch Times Sports Brief.

We’ve got some colossal stories to share with you right now, the stakes are enormous across the board, and here’s what’s happening in the thrilling world of sports.

A pair of longtime enemies take a Texas two-step for a shot at SEC glory, a championship contender seeks long-awaited revenge in a legendary rivalry, and a number of fierce combatants look to deliver the knockout punch—we’ll tell you all about it.

Also, a couple of NFL bruisers slug it out in an East Coast free-for-all, and the season’s on the line for a contender turned pretender in a consequential Sunday night showdown.

We’ll attack each of these riveting stories, but we begin in the Lone Star State where tomorrow, a pair of bitter rivals clash for a do-or-die spot in the SEC championship game, and here’s the skinny.

Texas Foes Collide for Spot in SEC Championship

Tomorrow, the Texas Longhorns and the hard-charging Texas A&M Aggies face off for the first time in a dozen years, and the winner gets a free trip to Atlanta, a date with the Georgia Bulldogs, and the chance to play for an automatic bid in the college football playoffs.

This crucial battle’s gonna be held in front of more than 100,000 rowdy diehards in College Station, and they better scream their lungs out because the Aggies are gonna need all the help they can get against one of the best teams in the country.

So you know, Texas A&M has skyrocketed out of nowhere to have a shot at the SEC title, and now they’re playing both their best ball and their biggest game since they joined the conference in 2012.

New head coach Mike Elko turned this team around faster than anyone thought possible. Dual-threat quarterback Marcel Reed adds a new wrinkle to the offense, and the defensive front is rock solid—though the D still gives up way too many big plays.

Meanwhile, the Longhorns have lost only once—to Georgia—and they’re absolutely itching for a rematch.

However, the third-ranked Horns have been playing like slumbering zombies, and star quarterback Quinn Ewers hasn’t looked the same since returning from an injury.

Even so, they have remarkable speed on the outside, brutal strength on the inside, and the offensive mind of head coach Steve Sarkisian to back it all up.

It’s shaping up as the biggest battle in Texas since my 89-year-old Aunt Martha won the full-contact pinochle competition against wobbly Joe Namath, and so you know, for these longtime rivals who are just now renewing their vows to destroy each other, it doesn’t get any bigger than this.

Moving along, there’s another huge battle picking up steam tomorrow, as a perennial college football bully looks for payback against the floundering team that knocked ‘em right out of last year’s playoffs, and here’s the lowdown.

Ohio State Looks for Payback Against Michigan

They call this one simply “The Game,” and that’s all that needs to be said for both Ohio State and Michigan, a couple of thugs who’ve been going at it since the late 1800s.

So you know, the Wolverines have won three in a row against the Buckeyes, and that doesn’t sit well in the state of Ohio. However, the 6–5 Wolverines have struggled all year long, they’ve been playing musical chairs with a trio of mediocre quarterbacks, and they just can’t score.

On the other hand, right now the Buckeyes are the favorites to win the whole enchilada—the college football championship—and they’re going to make the playoffs, even if they lose.

And now, an all-important Sports Brief Host commentary. Win or lose, if enchiladas are involved, nothing else really matters. Now, back to the program.

A win puts ‘em in next week’s Big Ten championship game and gives ‘em a coveted rematch against the only team that beat them all season long, the top-ranked undefeated Oregon Ducks.

Meanwhile, for Michigan, this is their championship game—and if they can knock off the Buckeyes at the Big Horseshoe, it will make their entire season.

There’s bad blood in this one and you can toss the records out the window. However, if this game turns into a track meet, Michigan just can’t keep up with Ohio State, and if all goes according to plan, the Buckeyes win this rugged dogfight in a blowout.

We’ll continue pumping things up and it wouldn’t be rivalry week without grudges, and tomorrow, there’s a whole bunch of intriguing games with huge playoff implications—here’s a quick rundown.

Underdogs Try to Deliver Knockout Blows to Bitter Rivals

USC is one of this year’s most disappointing teams but tomorrow they can salvage their season and spoil Notre Dame’s playoff hopes, all at the same time. If the Fighting Irish win, they’re in—but if they stumble, they’ll fall right out of contention and they’ll need the luck of the Irish to sneak back in.

In another crucial matchup, streaking South Carolina and ACC powerhouse Clemson meet up for bragging rights in the Palmetto State, along with a slim chance to make the playoffs. Right now, both teams are on the outside looking in, and either team gets eliminated with a loss.

In the legendary Iron Bowl, underperforming Auburn can deliver the fatal blow to Alabama’s dwindling playoff hopes. Right now, the bumbling Tide is the committee’s highest-ranked three-loss team, but odds are that just won’t be good enough to score a golden ticket to the big show.

In case you’re wondering, the Big 12 is still a chaotic mess. Arizona State, Iowa State, BYU, and Colorado all have a chance to make next week’s championship game, but no matter who eventually comes out on top in this confusing battle royale, the conference winner is unlikely to earn a high ranking in the playoffs.

We’ll skidaddle now over to the big bad NFL, where cheesesteaks and crab cakes are on the menu in a mid-Atlantic slugfest between a pair of bruising Super Bowl contenders, and here’s how it’s all shaping up.

Eagles and Ravens Fly Toward a Showdown

The 9–2 Philadelphia Eagles are big, bad, and nasty—just like their fans—and right now, they’re on a collision course with the mighty Detroit Lions to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl.

On Sunday, they’ll take a short trip down Interstate 95 for a crucial game against the high-flying Ravens in Baltimore. This game’s gonna have more crashes, potholes, and goofy delays than the freeway they took to get there.

So you know, the Eagles are primed for a deep playoff run—if they can overcome the questionable coaching of Nick Sirianni. They have a monstrous D-line, a punishing O-line, a pair of stud receivers, and quarterback Jalen Hurts.

Now if that’s not enough, their ace in the hole is superstar running back Saquon Barkley, who’s dominating the league and right now, he’s a leading candidate for MVP.

On the other side of the field, Ravens running back Derrick Henry is a battering ram, and versatile quarterback Lamar Jackson is having another stellar campaign.

In the past, the Ravens have been known for their great defense. However, this year, they’re second-best against the run and second-worst against the pass—meaning the Eagles may be able to light them up in the air.

This is a good old-fashioned East Coast slobberknocker, the NFL matchup of the week, and if weather conditions are messy, that’s just the way they like it in both Philly and Baltimore—BRING IT ON!

Continuing on, there’s another critical game on Sunday, extreme weather will be a factor, and for one desperate team, the season hangs in the balance. Here’s what you need to know.

Niners on Life Support in Battle With the Bills

Right now, the San Francisco 49ers are flatlining, time is running out, and this weekend, they face an extreme challenge when they go up against the brutal Buffalo Bills.

The underperforming Niners are bruised, battered, and believe it or not, below 500, but fortunately, they play in the mediocre NFC West, which gives them a ray of hope.

Quarterback Brock Purdy is injured and he might not play; their stud edge rusher has a bum hip; their All-Pro left tackle has a gimpy ankle and is likely out, and their star linebacker just announced he’s been playing for the last couple of months on a broken ankle.

Sports Brief Host commentary: This isn’t a football team, it’s a hospital emergency room. And one more thing—please tie the gown in the back—nobody wants to see that. Now back to our program.

Last week, the Niners got absolutely gobsmacked by the Packers, and this week, they suit up against Josh Allen and the surprising Bills, who just beat the tar out of the Chiefs and now have their eyes set firmly on the AFC crown.

By the way, something else you should know: they’re predicting 2 feet of snow before gametime—bad news for a bunch of soft broken-down West Coasties who are used to sunshine, blue skies, and average temps in the 80s. This is not gonna pan out well—just sayin’.

That’s all we have time for today, but before we go, we’d like to hand out our first-ever “Thanksgiving Turkey” award to a newly unemployed former NFL head coach, and here’s what’s going on.

In case you missed it yesterday, with 30 seconds left and the clock ticking, the Chicago Bears trailed by three and had the ball deep in Detroit Lions territory, with one timeout remaining and a chance to pull off a huge upset.

However, inexplicably, Bears head coach Matt Eberflus did not stop the clock, a desperation pass fell incomplete, and the game ended with yet another heartbreaking Chicago loss.

Congratulations, Matt. In honor of Bears fans everywhere, both of them, you’re this year’s Thanksgiving turkey. If you send us an email, we’ll send you a Craig’s Thanksgiving dinner in a can, which was popular back in the 80s. You remember the 80s—it’s the last time the Bears won the Super Bowl.

We’ll also send you a magnifying glass, which you can use when you’re scouring the want-ads for your next job.

Leftovers beckon us, so we’ll bail out now, but be sure to join us again next week as we gently mock, ridicule, and celebrate another completely ridiculous mind-boggling blunder by an overpaid professional who makes tons more dough than you and I but inexplicably makes boneheaded decisions whenever the game’s on the line.

We truly are out of time now, which is just a veiled way of saying we’re hungry, but we’ll be back next week with another edition of the almost award-winning Epoch Times Sports Brief.

If you have any thoughts or comments about this program, we’d love to hear from you, and you can find us at [email protected]—but only if you have kind, gushing, complimentary kudos for the extraordinary, multi-talented Sports Brief crew.

For all of us here at The Epoch Times Sports Brief, I’m Bill Thomas.

The Epoch Times Sports Brief was written today by big, bad Davey Ross. Is Davey Ross the greatest sumo wrestler on the face of the planet? Absolutely not, America! But nobody and I mean NOBODY fills out a mawashi better than he does and that’s why they call him big, bad Davey Ross.

Thank you for making us your one-stop source for a concise, accurate, and engaging rundown of all the sports stories you absolutely need to know about.

Enjoy another great weekend of sports, stay safe, and remember, let’s all continue to watch out for one another, have a superb day today, and don’t forget to keep your eyes on the game. Bye for now.