Former Secret Service Agent: 6 Ways You Can Teach Kids to Avoid Danger

Evy Poumpouras offers practical guidance from screens to sleepovers, as well as advice to nurture a resilient mindset.

Former Secret Service agent Evy Poumpouras provides tips on how to keep your kids safe. Courtesy of Evy Poumpouras; Biba Kayewich

Parents consider their children the most precious thing in the world, and one of their main duties is to protect them and prepare them for life’s challenges. What if you could get insights about how to do this from someone who once protected the most powerful people on Earth?

Meet Evy Poumpouras, a former Secret Service agent who dedicated her career to protecting four U.S. presidents and their families. After leaving the agency, Ms. Poumpouras redirected her focus toward teaching the general public how to protect themselves physically and emotionally. In her book, “Becoming Bulletproof,” she draws upon her personal experiences and teaches readers how to become more resilient, learn to read people and situations, and avoid becoming a victim.

She added that her advice is not meant to inspire fear. Instead, this is for you to live with awareness.

“You do have some say in how vulnerable you or your children are. When you teach your kids to make good choices, they’re less likely to expose themselves to dangerous situations,” she said.

Ms. Poumpouras became a mother almost two years ago, and since then, her dedication to protecting others has taken on a deeply personal dimension. Here, she offers both practical strategies to avoid danger and advice on how to nurture a resilient mindset in our children.

1. Say No to Screens

When it comes to electronic devices and internet access for children, Ms. Poumpouras’s answer is an absolute no.

On one hand, screens alone affect children’s attention span and mental development, as many studies have found. In her case, her daughter is under 2 years old and has never been in front of a screen: no phones, no tablets, no TV. Even if Ms. Poumpouras plays something to her, she prefers to make sure it’s just the sound, not the images on a screen.

If the device has an internet connection, there are safety concerns. Ms. Poumpouras compares it to dropping a child in the middle of Times Square in New York City and letting him talk to whomever he wants. “If you aren’t comfortable with that, then you shouldn’t be comfortable giving them a phone [with internet access],” she said.

If strangers can talk to your child online, they pose two types of danger. First, they can be a predator trying to lure your child to a place where they can abuse him or her. They might pretend to be another kid or might use their own kids to lure yours into their home.

It can be helpful to explain to your children why screens are off-limits until they are older. Biba Kayewich

Second, as a parent, you should be the strongest influence in your child’s life. But if your child is in contact with other people online, you have strong competition: videos, social media influencers, and all kinds of people telling your kid what to think or believe. “Even if they’re not predators, the child is going to be taking on other people’s values, and you may not agree with those,” Ms. Poumpouras warned.

“It’s already hard enough to be that voice of reason for your kid. Now you’re introducing outside entities that you can’t control.”

Her advice is to wait until your child is mature enough to understand who they should listen to and what to avoid before letting them have their first device. Even then, monitor their usage and interactions.

2. Build Their Confidence

Having self-confidence is a key aspect of becoming a strong person. Acting classes are very good for building confidence, especially for kids who are afraid to speak up. Ms. Poumpouras graduated from an acting school before becoming a Secret Service agent. She plans to enroll her daughter in acting classes when she is older so she can build a foundation of confidence.

Ms. Poumpouras also recommends martial arts, such as Brazilian jiu-jitsu. Knowing what to do with their bodies gives children the confidence that they can protect themselves.

“There’s no greater gift that you can give your kid than to know that they can handle something or have the ability to handle something,” she said.

Activities such as learning martial arts or acting classes can help young ones build confidence. Biba Kayewich

3. Teach Them to Trust Their Guts

Trusting your intuition is a key element of being in the Secret Service, law enforcement, or military. Learning to avoid danger is as important as knowing how to deal with it.

Many people tend to rationalize away red flags, downplaying the danger in the moment, only to later realize that their gut feeling was right. Ms. Poumpouras explained that those are your instincts trying to protect you, so you shouldn’t ignore them. The best way to teach your children to trust their intuition is by showing them how. “If you don’t trust yourself, they’re not going to trust themselves, because kids learn from watching us.”

Developing intuition is about trusting yourself. “Nobody cares about you more than you do,” Ms. Poumpouras said. “So if you don’t listen to that feeling inside you, you have to ask yourself, why don’t I trust myself?”

Children usually have better intuition than adults, Ms. Poumpouras noted, and you should teach them to trust it; if it feels wrong, they should stay away. Don’t force them to go somewhere they don’t want to go. Don’t assume they are trying to get out of doing something, such as going to school or visiting the dentist. Instead, ask them if they feel something is wrong. This requires them to feel comfortable talking to you about it, and that’s an ongoing process. They may prefer to talk to some other trusted adult about how they feel, and that is OK.

Based on her experience as an interrogator for the Secret Service elite polygraph unit, Ms. Poumpouras explained that a good approach is to ask your children questions that don’t sound like questions. These hidden questions are things such as asking them to tell you about their day or about the teacher they always complain about. By listening, you can get insight into what’s going on. “Be curious,” she said. “Be a nosy parent.”

Train your children to trust their intuition. Biba Kayewich

4. Think Twice About Sleepovers

“Don’t talk to strangers” is a maxim most parents tell their children. According to statistics cited by Ms. Poumpouras, however, more than half of the crimes committed against children are done by someone they know. So if you are going to let your kid stay somewhere, be sure you really know that person. “You don’t know who people are behind closed doors,” she said.

Many predators use their own children to lure yours into their house. That’s why Ms. Poumpouras says no to sleepovers. “I’ve worked enough criminal cases,” she said. “You should think about whose house your kid goes to and what kids your kid hangs out with.”

This is a scenario where developing your and your child’s intuition becomes critical, as well as encouraging open communication with your child. But Ms. Poumpouras added that “you shouldn’t assume that your kid will tell you if something happened”—they can be afraid or embarrassed, especially if they know the person and don’t want to cause trouble for their parents.

Former Secret Service agent Evy Poumpouras has a hard rule about no sleepovers. But if you are considering letting your children sleep over at someone else’s house, be sure you really know the people they are staying with. Biba Kayewich

5. Be Careful in Crowded Places

Even though child abductions by strangers are rarer—59 of the 181 Amber Alerts issued in 2022 were for children abducted by non-family members—parents should still be aware when going out with their children to a crowded place. In particular, amusement parks and other child-friendly places attract predators because they know they’ll find children there, according to Ms. Poumpouras.

Teach your kids to identify exit doors, and that if something happens, such as if someone tries to kidnap them or there’s an emergency, they should run. “But you want to teach it to them in a way that they’re not afraid,” Ms. Poumpouras said. Remember that they learn from you, so if you project fear, they’ll be afraid. Instead, talk about it as the logical thing to do in case of an emergency, like the fire drills they do in school.

Make sure they have your phone number memorized and know their home address by heart, so they can always reach you.

When going out to crowded places, keep a close eye on your children. Biba Kayewich

6. Teach Them What to Do in Case of Assault

Developing your child’s intuition and being aware of their surroundings can greatly help prevent assaults, but they can still be approached by someone following them or trying to talk to them. Teach them that if that happens when they are alone, they should go into a store right away, not keep walking. There, they should go to the person behind the register and explain that someone is following them and ask the person to call the police.

“You should always teach them to go ask for help,” Ms. Poumpouras said.

If that’s not an option and somebody tries to put a hand on them, they should scream, no matter what. “These people are looking for easy prey. Don’t teach your kids to be easy prey,” Ms. Poumpouras said. “This is where you teach your kids, ‘I don’t care how afraid you are, you scream, you yell, you fight, you claw, you bite—you act like an animal.’”

This is when the jiu-jitsu lessons become handy, and it’s the reason why Ms. Poumpouras plans for her daughter to take classes when she is older—so she can practice how to fight. “I don’t want the first time something happens to her to be in real life on the street,” she said.

“It’s about helping you make empowered choices rather than letting fear run the show.”