Martial arts legend and movie star Chuck Norris is famous for more than just his rocket-powered roundhouse kicks and his clobbering of scores of hoodlums in dark alleys. The unstoppable Texas star’s prose has also gotten him noticed in recent years, with his books and articles touching on everything from fitness to politics to religion.
In light of this—and if all those so-called “Chuck Norrisisms” circulating out there are any indication—we can consider it as good as done.
Should you be at all unfamiliar with what we mean by “Chuck Norrisisms,” here are a few examples to bring you up to speed:
“Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.”
“When Chuck Norris stares at the sun, it blinks.”
“Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience.”
In other words, Norris shouldn’t be thinking about how to fund the border wall. The border wall should be thinking about how to fund Norris.
The 78-year-old U.S. Air Force vet writes the following:
“I have written many articles over the years, but I have never written an article more important than this one. While Democrat and Republican leaders in Washington are polarized and in gridlock over how to pay for a wall on the U.S. southern border with Mexico, U.S. Sen. Ted Cruz (R-Tex.) is a Lone Ranger with a Tonto-sized idea riding into town to get the job done in a way that would cost taxpayers nothing at all.”
The article goes on to elaborate on the notorious drug lord’s role as co-founder of the Sinaloa Cartel, naming him as the No. 1 smuggler of marijuana, cocaine, heroin, and methamphetamines into the United States.
“If you or your loved ones have ever tried or been addicted to illegal drugs,” Norris writes, “odds are they originated from the Sinaloa Cartel.” He then notes the death toll resulting from El Chapo’s violence rivals that of most conventional wars.
“Is Sen. Cruz’s EL CHAPO Act not a brilliant idea to fund the border wall between the U.S. and Mexico? And guess what? A Mexican pays for it after all—one evil hombre who has repeatedly raped America’s communities and the souls of precious millions through narcotics and other criminalities for the past three decades.
“Think of the impact passing the EL CHAPO Act could have. First, El Chapo’s drug monies could fully fund the completion of the entire U.S. southern border wall without a single dime more from the federal government or American taxpayers. Second, simultaneously the majority of El Chapo’s own drug trafficking into our country would be greatly diminished using his own monies. Third, president Trump could fulfill his primary campaign promise. Fourth, the Democrats would be able to open their government the same day the EL CHAPO Act passed.
“Let it be clear: Passing that single bill could be the compromise they all are looking for, and it is the best win-win-win-win solution the Congress and president could ever enact!”
“Ensuring the safety and security of Texans is one of my top priorities,” Cruz said at the time of the bill’s proposal. “Indeed, I have long called for building a wall as a necessary step in defending our border. Fourteen billion dollars will go a long way to secure our southern border, and hinder the illegal flow of drugs, weapons, and individuals. By leveraging any criminally forfeited assets of El Chapo and other murderous drug lords, we can offset the cost of securing our border and make meaningful progress toward delivering on the promises made to the American people.”
Naturally, though, if all else fails—if Trump’s administration fails to get the funds they need, be it from Congress, Mexico, or El Chapo—Texans can rest easy, knowing they have Norris’s unstoppable force behind them. One steely-eyed look from the Delta Force veteran is equal to 10 border walls.
Since his last movie in 2012, Norris has written several books on a variety of topics including martial arts, fitness, philosophy, religion, politics, and more, twice garnering him the title of New York Times best-selling author. The multiple martial arts championship winner has black belts in Brazilian jujitsu and judo and is the founder of his own school of fighting called Chun Kuk Do.
But beyond his own accomplishments in life is the larger-than-life, and often hilarious, persona of toughness and manliness that follows him wherever he goes. Books have been written dedicated to the “Chuck Norrisism,” including titles such as “Chuck Norris Cannot Be Stopped,” and “The Last Stand of Chuck Norris.” Here are a few more for the road that we pulled from “Chuck Norris Cannot Be Stopped”:
“ALL Chuck Norris’ genes are dominant.”
“When ghosts go camping, they sit around the campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.”
“Every night before going to sleep, the Bogeyman checks under his bed for Chuck Norris.”
“Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.”
