I have excellent news everyone! The benevolent Chinese leadership has once again solved China’s pollution problem. Okay sure, their previous plans to wash it away with artificial rain or giant vacuums didn’t work out so great.
But this time, they have a foolproof plan. Now it makes sense why the regime censored the Cha Jing’s viral pollution documentary. Not to suppress information, but because it simply would be so pathetically outdated that anyone watching it would be wasting precious time, that could have been used to choreograph the next dance craze praising Xi Jinping.
So what is this new, and I repeat, fool proof plan? Well, according to Communist Party mouthpiece Xinhua, it’s,“the largest-ever space project.”
It’s quite simple really, I’m surprised no one else has done it. They want to build a gigantic spacecraft with 2 square miles of solar panels. These solar panels will collect solar radiation, that will then be converted into microwaves or lasers, that will be shot down to earth for collection! Because really, isn’t shooting lasers at things always the solution to life’s little problems? This will be a new form of energy that will free China from burning more coal than the rest of the world combined, and eliminate pollution.
Now as with any technology, I’m sure there’s the potential for abuse. But I don’t know what kind of twisted mind could find a misuse for a giant solar powered space laser.
According to a report by the Chinese Academy of Science and the Chinese Academy of Engineering, they project a commercially viable death laser, sorry, power station by 2050.
They added to that, “Mwhaha, the fools, they doubted. Now they shall pay!” before rocketing away in their escape pods.
According to the Guangming Daily, the project is projected to cost a trillion dollars.
Now, a report released in September 2010 from the U.S. National Ground Intelligence Center, stated that China is researching how to use high-powered microwave weapons to disable missile systems and satellites.
However according to Xinhua this is a solar powered laser power station, not a solar powered laser weapon.
So if I were you, and I’m pretty sure I’m not, I‘d say if you want to get into the Chinese market, forget air purifiers. With sunny days ahead, it’ll all be about sunscreen. Oh and laser shields.
So what do you think about China’s solar powered laser space station? Leave your comments below, and sign up for the China Uncensored newsletter at chinauncensored.org. Oh, and if lasers happen to be one of your interests, check out my other episode on China’s anti-drone laser defense system.
