How to Host the Perfect Dinner Party, According to a British Butler

These tips will make your guests feel like royalty—and crown you the ultimate host.

Illustration by The Epoch Times; Courtesy of The Earl of Elgin; Tony Anderson/DigitalVision/Getty Images

Whether you’re hosting a lavish soirée or an intimate gathering, mastering the art of hospitality can transform your home into a palace. And who better to ask for advice than a former royal butler?

Grant Harrold worked for seven years, from 2004 to 2011, as a butler to King Charles III when he was Prince of Wales. As part of his duties, Mr. Harrold also attended to Queen Camilla; Prince Harry, Duke of Sussex; and Prince William and Kate Middleton, Princess of Wales when they were dating. Mr. Harrold now runs his own etiquette and butler school in the UK and is a well-known commentator on royal matters.

He shared with us timeless principles and practical tips for giving your guests the royal treatment.

Before We Begin

Many people associate the word “etiquette” with rigid norms about how to use forks and napkins. According to Mr. Harrold, they’re missing the real point.

“Some people use the rules of etiquette to kind of make themselves better than somebody else, but it’s not about that,” he said. “Etiquette is about thinking of others. It’s putting others’ needs before yours.”

The rules of etiquette are part of a universal culture, but following them is not the ultimate goal. It’s OK to bend the rules depending on your guests. The real goal is to make them feel welcome and comfortable in your presence.

“It’s all about respecting each other and treating each other nicely,” Mr. Harrold said.

Set the Mood

It takes only three seconds to make an impression on someone. Creating a nice environment will make your guests feel special from the moment they enter your home.

Everything should look clean and tidy, from the dining room to the bathroom. Lighting some scented candles and having music playing in the background also adds a nice touch. Mr. Harrold recommends classical music or something relaxing. If the weather is cold and you have a fireplace, you should absolutely stoke a fire.

“Just make it feel homey, so if someone walks in, they feel it’s cozy,” he said.

Another great touch is to display any past gifts from your guests. They'll see flowers in the vase they gave you on a previous occasion and feel appreciated.

“It means a lot to them; it shows that the gift has been well received,” Mr. Harrold said.

Add welcoming touches throughout the house so that your guests feel relaxed and cozy. MilosStankovic/E+/Getty Images

Set the Table

Food is always a plus when entertaining guests. Ask well in advance whether there are any food allergies or doctors’ requirements that you should be aware of and whether there’s anything that your guests particularly like or dislike.

The table’s presentation adds to the event. Mr. Harrold recommends using a nice tablecloth and linen napkins—avoid the paper ones—and adding some kind of decoration, such as flowers or candlesticks. It doesn’t have to be expensive or over the top; don’t underestimate the power of little details.

Make sure to put extra effort into the table presentation. FabrikaCr/iStock/Getty Images

“I always fold my napkins on the table because it does give a lasting impression. People come in and they always go, ‘Wow, look at the napkins,’” Mr. Harrold said. “It finishes the table off; it adds that elegance.”

Consider the seating arrangement, too. Traditionally, the hosting couple sits on opposite sides of the table, and the most senior guests sit to their right—the most senior female guest to the right of the host, and the most senior male guest to the right of the hostess. The rest of the guests should be seated in some priority if possible, such as oldest to youngest.

Meet and Greet

When a guest arrives, immediately do two things: Take any jackets, scarves, gloves, and so on; and offer a refreshment.

Mr. Harrold explained that the type of refreshment depends on the time of the day. If it’s the morning or the afternoon, offer tea or coffee. If you are entertaining during lunchtime or after six o’clock in the evening, offer some drinks. Make sure to have both alcoholic and nonalcoholic beverages ready, and some canapés for your guests to nibble on.

Lead guests to your living room or somewhere they can all gather and chat while the rest of the guests arrive, before inviting them to the dining table.

The key is to be hospitable, so you want to make sure that they are comfortable. Mr. Harrold said that in the old days, there would often be a nice chair by the fire that was the warmest spot in the house. It was offered to the guests along with something to quench their thirst after their long travels.

Anticipate Their Needs

While entertaining, try to anticipate your guests’ needs before they have to say anything. This includes making sure that every guest has someone to talk to. Make introductions when guests arrive if they don’t already know each other. If they look uncomfortable with another guest, it’s nice to approach them and introduce them to somebody else.

Mr. Harrold shared a traditional way to ensure no one is left out of conversation at the table. You, as a host, should speak to the guest to your right—remember, they should be the senior guest—for the starter and main course, and then talk to the guest on the left for the dessert and coffee. “That causes a chain reaction around the table. It’s a very old tradition,” he said.

Be mindful of the room’s temperature, make sure guests know where the restroom is, and pay attention to people’s glasses; make sure they’re always at least half full. If a drink goes down to a quarter of a glass, you definitely should be topping up.

As a gracious host, it's your responsibility to keep the conversation, good vibes, and libations going. Thomas Barwick/Stone/Getty Images

If Things Get Messy

Accidents happen, but good hosts don’t make a big fuss about them. If a guest spills some wine, downplay it so he or she won’t feel bad about it. Mr. Harrold shared a tip: Sprinkle some salt on the spill, which will help absorb it, then cover it with a napkin to conceal it and move on as if nothing happened. You can deal with it properly after the dinner is over!

There's no need to cry over spilled wine. LauriPatterson/iStock/Getty Images

If somebody breaks something, again, don’t make a scene. “Just say: ‘Oh, don’t worry about it. We’ve got plenty more of those,’” Mr. Harrold said. “Even if you only had one, don’t tell them that.”

And if, on the other hand, a guest starts arguing or making a scene, try your best to de-escalate the situation and calm the person down. A good approach is to ask the guest into the kitchen to give you a hand and then kindly ask him or her to refrain from arguing.

“It’s a horrible thing to have to deal with, but sometimes if a guest is really unruly, then you have to say something. Otherwise, you’re going to offend the rest of your guests,” Mr. Harrold said.

Wrapping Up

Your invitation should state your event’s start and end times. Ideally, guests should notice when it’s time to leave and get going, but if that doesn’t happen, Mr. Harrold recommends saying something along the lines of, “Oh gosh, is that the time? I really must get to bed, I’ve got an early start tomorrow.” Usually, they’ll get the hint.

The next step would be to hand your guests their coats, scarves, and everything they’ve brought in, and then help them out to the car. Lastly, make sure that all household members are present to wave them off and thank them for coming to visit.

Follow these tips, and your guests will feel like kings and queens.