In my family failure was not tolerated. Failure is treated with the same reaction as an unwanted visit from a rodent friend –poison is sprayed, traps are laid out and any seeping holes are sealed shut.
But intolerance is not fear and I was raised therefore with a strong mentality. A.k.a: What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger. Every time I would get a bad grade on a test I had studied for for hours, or missed a business deal. I always sit back and ask myself: What can I learn from this?
It has not been easy. There have been times when failure feels like it can swallow you whole. And, it probably can if you don’t know how to deal with it properly.
This reflex –taking the time to see the light within the dark- has turned more into a habit now. And, it is one I highly suggest to anyone living in the real world where set backs and failures are inevitable. Below my 5 step process to go from rejected to revamped.
- Take 5 minutes to feel depressed…but that’s all you get! The worst thing you can do with failure is pretend it doesn’t actually affect you. Of course it does! You’re still human after all. What you don’t want to do is wallow. But allow yourself to be disappointed for five minutes. You put a lot of work into this and the situation sucks.
- Call your friends. After taking five minutes to reflect on what has just happened I call a confident to vent. This might seem silly but it is a crucial part of the process. You don’t want your negative thoughts festering and consuming you. But, in my experience you need to know which person to call for which set back. Don’t call someone if you don’t think they can’t relate or be sympathetic.
- Absorb positive energy. More than likely, your friend or confidante has said encouraging things to you on your phone call. Bask in those. Take them seriously. Let the rays of confidence flow back in and absorb all the positive energy you can.
- Back to work. You are probably still a little upset at this point but understand that mopping isn’t going to help change anything. Take a day or two to concentrate on other important issues and then go back to the problem. Look at it from an objective point of view and try to see what you can learn from this experience. Sometimes, I email clients and ask them what their deciding factor was.
- Know this: Failure is like tax season…it’s unpleasant but we all have to go through it. If you can accept that failure is just a part of life –and this comes from someone who was raised in a family who was failure intolerant- then those terrible moments will float by a lot faster and with less pain.
